Shiloh…Suri…Girls, I’m Already Sick of Ya

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If Shiloh Jolie-Pitt were any kind of baby mega-star…she’d take some pointers from Suri Cruise…and lay low…at least for her first few months on the planet.

But NOOOOoooooo…she’s gotta go have a creepy wax replica made of herself (pictured above) and put on display at Madame Tussauds’ in New York with her wax mommy and daddy (Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt…for those of you living under a rock) standing guard over her like two crazed paraffin seraphim. I’ll say it again…creepy.

This kills me. I can’t even afford to go to Olan Mills more than once every 10 years to immortalize my mug and this kid has a life-size wax figure made by her 8-week marker? Geesh…I got cans of tuna older than that.

And as a quick aside…just how big is this Madame Tussauds anyway? They seem to unveil some new “exhibit” every week. Who’s paying good money to go see this crap? And when an exhbit gets old (or a celebrity looses his or her status) what happens to the unwanted figures…are parts melted down and reused for newer, hipper celebs? By chance is little Shiloh made up of part Shannen Doherty, part Bonnie Franklin, and part of what had to be removed from the Ashlee Simpson figure’s nose?

But back to Shiloh and Suri…

Where Shiloh has already had a photo spread in People magazine and been spotted on multiple continents…little Suri (daughter of Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise…again, for you rock people) has been hold up at her house since being born…or so we think. She’s been so M.I.A. that the scuttlebutt is she may not even exist.

The only person on the planet who knows for sure is the King of Queens’ Leah Reminiwho says she’s not only seen Suri…but the fringe on top was getting to hold the little Cruiser. Update…Jada Pinkett Smith has now seen Suri.

Not that Scientology-bound Suri isn’t without her own weird signs of fame. She has SuriCruise.Com – The Unofficial Website of Suri Cruise, which has begun the countdown to her 18th birthday. I couldn’t get the page to load, so good luck to those of you who try. While you wait for the page to open…you might also want to visit this page, which allows you to “build a Suri” to figure out just what the hermit tyke might look like.

Why are Americans so obsessed over bellies with stars upon thars? We just can’t get enough of news from the stork when it involves the rich and famous.sneetch.gif

Whether it’s learning that Britney Spears is having a difficult second pregnancy or that Madonna is planning to adopt a sibling for Lourdes and Rocco or that Gillian Anderson is preggers with her second baby or that Ani DeFranco is preggers with her first or that some professional wretslers I don’t even care about have had a baby together…Americans lap up newbie news like mother’s milk…ewwww…sorry about that.

I read somewhere once that this obsession by the masses to so closely follow the love lives, marriages, divorces, births, and deaths of stars is much like how the Romans and Greeks followed the intricate and dramatic stories of their gods and goddesses.

It was fascinating for the Greeks and Romans to learn that these beings…with their beauty and wisdom and power…had just as much trouble getting dates…finding mates…raising kids…and dealing with heartbreak as the common folk.

I guess that explains the wax statue of Shiloh…it’s the American equivalent of the Parthenon…only instead of lasting for centuries…it’s good until the museum’s air conditioner breaks.

I think I’d have just put together a scrapbook…it would have been a lot less icky.

But because they had stars, all the Star-bellied Sneetches
would brag, “We’re the best kind of Sneetch on the beaches.

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23 Responses to “Shiloh…Suri…Girls, I’m Already Sick of Ya”

  1. bamaborntxbred Says:

    I left a comment earlier and it never showed up! I’ll break it down for ya: It’ll be weird when someone takes wax-baby Shiloh and watches her melt away. Ick.

    AND

    I think Suri is either an alien or an actual wax-baby.

    Peace out!

  2. suzi-q Says:

    Truth is stranger than fiction, or so the saying goes. I cannot help but think with all the who-ha on these little girls how warped a life these folks lead. I mean, really, I’ve heard of booties being bronzed but a baby’s image being waxed, that is truly odd.

  3. TALK! Says:

    Weird, bama…I wonder if anyone else has had trouble.

    Usually folks have posted by mid-morning…I was thinking everyone just hated today’s post. 😦

    (My insecurities rise to the surface soooo easily.)

    Let me know if you continue to have problems…I may have to take word verication off or something.

    —-

    suzi-q…so glad you didn’t have your kids dipped and bronzed. 😉

  4. bamaborntxbred Says:

    Talk- it very well could have been me doing something stupid like closing the window BEFORE publishing the comment. I’m not sooper smart chew know.

    And-please. How could anyone hate a post about TomKat, Brangelina and wax-babies?!! Gimmeabreak.

    I wish I had my own little wax family to tide me over ’til I have a real one. (I wouldn’t melt them though.) I wanna wax figure of Taytay. He could sit on the couch and watch tv with me. I couldn’t take him places though b/c he’d melt in the car. Sad.

  5. TALK! Says:

    Okay…I’m teetering between being disgusted by the idea of a wax figure of Tay-Tay and being incredibly intrigued.

    We’re both some sick puppies.

    P.S. If he sits on the couch and watches T.V. with me…I guess having him hold the hot bowl of popcorn in his lap is out of the question.

  6. bamaborntxbred Says:

    He can hold the ice cream.

    Just think. All the single SP girls could have their very own Tay and we could have different outfits for him….purple velvet jacket one night, jeans and Ray Charles t-shirt the next. How fun!

    I’m a sick puppy.

  7. TALK! Says:

    Ha..ha.ha!

    Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Snort. Snort. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha.

    HA!

    That absolutely cracked me up.

  8. bamaborntxbred Says:

    Why? I was serious.

  9. Quossum Says:

    Ever since an Event That Shall Not Be Discussed in my past, I’ve had a hideous phobia of wax museums. They’re just so…Ugh. *shudder*

    Now, a *baby* of wax? That’s even creepier. The only way I’ll be able to mentally handle this is if they pull down that little shirt and reveal a wick on that baby’s tummy. No, wait. Even *that’s* pretty creepy.

    I don’t even want to think about how they made the mold for this thing. I say again: *shudder*

    –Q

  10. TALK! Says:

    tries to suppresss guffaw

    I love you, bama.

    (tee hee…snort)

  11. TALK! Says:

    Q…now you HAVE to dish on your phobia about wax museums.

    Were you left overnight in one as a kid (like Margot Tenenbaum)?

    When I was a kid…I was left at a gas station.

    Oh, by the way, the wick coming out of Shiloh’s belly fascinates me.

    This is by far the weirdest conversation I’ve had…at least this week.

  12. bamaborntxbred Says:

    Luv u 2! Luv the word “guffaw”. Luv The Royal Tennebaums.

    Q- I’m dying to know too! Pleeease!? Will ya tell us? Huh? Huh? Will ya?

    I was never left anywhere. Darn.
    (We did leave my lil brother at a rest stop in AL. We didn’t realize til we were in LA. Oops.)

  13. TALK! Says:

    Bama, I’d laugh at your brother…but then I’d have to laugh at that little 12-year-old girl sitting in gas station outside of McComb, MS, in 1982…crying her eyes out.

    It was the return trip home from G.A. camp.

    The whole week at camp had been totally crap as I had gotten tonsilitis (sp?) and spent the majority of time in the sick ward with a girl who was puking her guts out. The nurse kept coming in during the night to sprinkle this sweet-smelling powder over the vomit in the bucket the girl was puking in…and that smell…sweet mixed with vomit…made me sicker than any throat infection could.

    So I was really wanting to get home by week’s end.

    The church van was filled with about 15 girls and was being driven by the wife of the Spanish missions pastor (she spoke very little English).

    We had stopped at the gas station and I had to GO to the bathroom…you know…like…number two.

    I remember I was in the bathroom a long time…as I was still feeling like crap.

    When I came out…the church van was no where to be found. I began crying and went and told this guy and girl working at the station. They called the Highway Patrol.

    It wasn’t until about 25 miles down the road that my BEST FRIEND, Avent Blakeney, finally noticed I was gone. What best friend takes 25 miles to notice their buddy is missing? Seriously?

    She asked the driver if I was up front. “No…no Shelley,” the woman said in broken English. They had to drive another 5 miles to find a place to turn around.

    By the time they came back for me…I had officially been tramautized to the point where…

    1) I hate to travel…to this day.

    2) I get headaches and sick to my stomach when I smell overly sweet smells.

    3) I no longer will go No. 2 at public bathrooms. (I have been known to hold it for up to a week.)

    4) I never trust anyone but myself where my well-being is concerned.

    5) I have never had another best friend since then…I mean…25 miles? Come on!!!

  14. suzi-q Says:

    I have been laughing solid since I began reading. Had a cousin work in a candle factory once, does that count for anything PLUS in Brownies years ago, I made a Christmas candle using a 1/2 gallon wax milk carton and glitter (you know it had to have glitter, right Shell). Trust me on this that Christmas candle was THE most bee-you-tea-full candle you ever saw (don’t know what mom did with it though, maybe donated it to the wax museum) This is really so funny, I think Brad, Angelina, and Taylor should read this, oh, no, I think I made a faux pax putting Taylor in with the likes of Brangelina.

  15. suzi-q Says:

    Hold on I just had another amazing realization, I have actually been to see the Parthenon, you know, the one in Greece. Really and for true. Brought back an amethyst ring for you know who.

  16. TALK! Says:

    Of course it counts, Suzi-Q!!

    I think G’ma Joan donated your candle to Madame Tossauds…I noticed little Shiloh has a bit of glitter on her left ear…I think your Brownie candle was mixed with Bonnie Franklin…Shannen Dorety…and Ashlee Simpson to make the precious little waxy build-up belonging to Angelina & Brad.

  17. bamaborntxbred Says:

    Awwww…Shelley! That is one sad story.

    I went on a mission trip to Mexico about 4 years ago. We were going to help out at an orphange…cleaning, bringing money, supplies, Bibles, etc. Anyhow, we started cleaning as soon as we got there. The bathrooms were literally COVERED in filth. Toilet paper everywhere. “Stuff” was smeared on the walls and all over the toilets…which were full. DISGUSTING. I decided right then that I couldn’t/wouldn’t go potty there, or anywhere in that town. Well, I stuck to my word…and 4 days later pulled over at the first rest stop in the good ole USA. My friends were wagering on how long I would last. So, basically I totally feel you on #3.

    My brother was about 5 years old and we were moving from SC to TX. We have 7 kids in the family and it was dark….I mean how are we supposed to know one of them is missing? It was HOURS before we knew. He got to go to the police station and have McDonalds. No fair!

  18. Quossum Says:

    Much as I would like to enlighten you guys, I cannot speak of the Event That Shall Not be Discussed without risk of my mental health. Some of it has been partially blocked out. I look back at it now as if through gauze. Filmy gauze behind which are hidden terrifying, waxy corpses.

    Let’s just say…wax baby with a wick sticking out of the belly = strange but cute candle. Wax baby without a wick sticking out of the belly = deliberately hideous simulacrum of life.

    Oh, and I got “left behind” one time, too. At one-act play contest, my drama group left me at the host school when they drove back to the hotel. I just watched play rehearsals until they finally came back for me, feeling sorry for myself that no one had missed me.

    –Q

  19. TALK! Says:

    Backs away from Q slowly.

  20. patrickkadiddlehopper Says:

    i think we should kick all those stars O-U-T OUT!!

    (sneetches reference)
    And just like greeks and romans shelley, when they took the babies to the temple to bless them and offer sacrifices,
    Tommy Boy and Katie Holmeskillet will offer their child to the aliens!! Maybe if they throw in the wax statue as a sacrifice we’ll get a new pyramid…(insert laugh spit here)

  21. nolagirl Says:

    How much do you think Jada and Leah got paid to tell their delightful Suri stories? They are all crazy, crazy I tell you!

  22. TALK! Says:

    They got paid a year’s supply of intestinal flushing aids…isn’t that part of Scientology…rinsing your innards of all the crap you’ve eaten since birth?

    GROSSS!!

    You’re right…they’re all weirdos.

    Plus…it’s a little fishy to me that these two B-listers would come out and say they saw Suri.

    You know why no A-listers have claimed to see the kid? Because hey don’t need the career boost.

    Hate to say it…but it’s true.

  23. Suri Sculpture…Total Crappy Idea « monkbot talk Says:

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