Everything’s Coming Up Roses & Pee-onies

by

The photo you see above isn’t some new fountain in the town square…it’s a new kind of urinal.

I kid you not.

Clark Sorensen’s Urinal Sculptures come in a literal bouquet of choices.

I was checking out Metafilter today and came across the site and just had to share.

“My current work reflects my interest in combining beauty with function as well as exploiting the discord between opposing elements in life and in art. The contradiction of taking an unsightly urinal and transforming it into a graceful flower or shell is a potent combination. Since most people think of a urinal as being ugly or dirty, it is the perfect object to beautify. These pieces also echo more classic conflicts between masculine and feminine, good and evil, soiled and chaste. Ideally these pieces would be fully functioning each time they are exhibited, their interactivity being another key element. By flushing or even urinating into my pieces one’s experience can hopefully be even more intimate and engaging.”
–Clark Sorensen, September 2005 Artist Statement

Although I can certainly appreciate the craftmanship and thought that has gone into these flushable florals…some are quite lovely (in an 80s kind of way)…I have to wonder how much appreciation will be given by the urinals’ “target” audience.

Unless these flower pots are fixtures in a new breed of restroom that caters only to metro/homosexual guys, I suspect they will be flat out laughed at. (I have three straight, very traditional brothers…so I feel pretty confident on this response.)

Beyond that…just the idea of someone peeing all over your artistic work just seems wrong.

Finally…though I’m a girl…not even I would pay $9,500 for one of these watering cans…or for any toilet.

Well…maybe for a toilet that sings a Taylor Hicks’ song when flushed.

Perhaps “Will It Go Round in Circles” would be appropriate?

Oh, and the tune would have to end with a hearty “Bowl Patrol! Woo!”

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57 Responses to “Everything’s Coming Up Roses & Pee-onies”

  1. NOLAgirl Says:

    Yes!!! They have my favorite – tulips!

    Oh wait. I don’t need a urinal.

    Damn.

  2. patrickkadiddlehopper Says:

    Let me be the first to tell you shell, I would definitely not pay 9500 for a purty terlet. Just the idea of relieving yourself on your month’s paycheck is beyond me. But i defintely would get one that, when flushed, sang a justin timberlake song:).Oh, that and having James Earl Jones say,
    “Your powers have grown son”.

  3. suzi-q Says:

    Flirtatous Florals For Relieving Micturinating!!!! Or Powerful Passion for Peeing! How about that Pistil/Stamen for a steady stream, or and,by the whiz, how “do a woman do”? Also, how you gonna train that little boy NOT to pee on the neighbors peonies? I can hear it now, “but, mom, that’s what you taught me at home, that and let’s just throw money down the toilet!”

  4. suzi-q Says:

    Eww, gross, checked out the web site and right next to URINALS is the heading TABLEWARE!!!!! This man needs some HELP! or at least a new web designer! Goes back to what Uncle Rusty used to say, “eat every bean and pea in your plate (snicker, snicker from the nieces and nephews)!

  5. Quossum Says:

    They’re lovely!

    Now to design toilets for women shaped like the gaping mouths of hideous monsters or somesuch.

    –Q

  6. shrewspeaks Says:

    Bowl Patrol!!!!!!! Tears shells tears!!!

    Verification word of the day “kfzvs” The sound a poor unsuspecting bee makes when trying to do his thang at one these damn urinals. It has been hypothesized by biologists that this particular noise is akin to the human phrase “What the F?”

  7. TALK! Says:

    Thanks, Shrew.

    And picturing that bee has me cracking up!

  8. bamaborntxbred Says:

    That’s just great. People are starving to death every day all over the globe (or less noble than that-I owe $20k in student loans!!)…but someone, somewhere has paid, or will pay, $9500 to piss on artwork. Yay!

    AND…I’m just wondering how a person is supposed to keep something like that clean? How would you know you got everything? I’m totally weirded out.

    However, I might pay extra for a plain white bowl that says “Bowl Patrol!” (‘Cept, we’re on water restrictions here and I’d be a bad, bad girl and keep flushing just for fun.)

  9. TALK! Says:

    ROFL, Bama.

    Everytime I think of Bowl Patrol…I think of the Tidy Bowl Man…except he has gray hair.

    P.S. I wondered the same thing about cleaning those things. Gross. Did the artist stop to think about the cleaning woman? I doubt it.

  10. bamaborntxbred Says:

    He didn’t think of the cleaning woman because he doesn’t have to. Somehow things like that always seem to take care of themselves, I’m sure…

  11. TALK! Says:

    You’re being facetious, right?

  12. bamaborntxbred Says:

    Si senorita!

  13. TALK! Says:

    Muchas gracias, chica.

    By the way…have to tell you what I saw driving into work today.

    There was this biker guy riding low on his hog. I watched him pass by and when his back was to me…I got a big ol’ eyeful of butt crack!

    NOICE! Happy Monday to me…and to all on Lakeland Drive this morning on the way to work!

    Butt Crack = The Cure for Caffine (trust me…I was definitely awake after seeing that)

  14. bamaborntxbred Says:

    Gives new meaning to “the crack of dawn”, huh?

    P.S. Did you give him my number? Huh? Huh?

  15. TALK! Says:

    ROFL…you’re on a roll today. 😉

    And, yes, I did. 😛

  16. bamaborntxbred Says:

    Cool. No more lonely Saturday nights.

    I’m on rolling because you started it!!

  17. TALK! Says:

    Bama…even though I don’t know what you look like…I’m picturing you on the back of that bike…cruising down the highway with your arms wrapped tight around your new man.

    Ah…l’amore!

  18. bamaborntxbred Says:

    I hope you’re picturing one of those little side cars with my two lil doggies wearing black leather vests and goggles riding dirrrty!

  19. TALK! Says:

    Now I am.

    And I think I’ve peed my pants…laughing at that image.

    Thanks, Bama.

    You should do Mondays more often…you’re good at them.

  20. bamaborntxbred Says:

    This weekend in all my friends were outta town, so I didn’t talk to anyone except the lady I nearly mowed down with my shopping cart at Wal-Mart. (That’s if you count, “Oh, ‘scuse me! I’m so sorry! No, really, you were there first. No, go right ahead. I’m so sorry. Really. Sorry. Okay. Sorry.” as talking.) So, basically, I’m psyched to be out in public today.

  21. TALK! Says:

    I’ve had weekends like that. They can be cathartic…but then they can be tremendously lonesome.

    Actually, most of my weekends are like that. I’m more of a recluse than I should be.

    I get irritated with people WAY too easily. It’s not healthy I know…it drives my mom crazy.

    Listenin’ to a little Taylor right now..In Your Time.

    Sooooooooothe me, baby!!!!

    Geesh that man is sexy.

  22. bamaborntxbred Says:

    Yeah. I got a lot done this weekend, but it was kinda lonely. I wonder how it is that I have no one to talk to when my (3) friends go out of town. Weird!

    I like being alone too. More so on weeknights. I can’t stand having stuff to do after work. Blech. I just wanna go home, walk the dogs and chill. Ya know? Even if it’s
    something fun, I feel kinda put out. Sad! No wonder I only have 3 friends! Haha!

    I get to see Taylor in a few of weeks. Yay! Wonder what we’re all gonna do when there is no more tour.

  23. TALK! Says:

    We’re going to obsess over the upcoming album!

    Duh! 😉

    Totally with you about weeknights. Must have my time to watch t.v., play with Sadie, and play online!

    I’ve always been one of those people who rotates through friends. I’ve never had a “best” friend…I guess ’cause I’m usually on to make next obsession or job or whatever…and that brings a new group of people from which to be friends.

    So, I rely on my family to provide me with steady friendship.

    How bizarre is that?

  24. bamaborntxbred Says:

    I have always relied on my friends to be my family. I think that is more bizarre. You are very, very lucky to have such a great relationship with your family. I’m close with my parents, but I only talk to my siblings at family functions. I’m kind of the black sheep b/c I’m not married w/kids. And I’m my parents’ fave, so they’re naturally very envious 😉

    I have always had a group of two or three best friends. I have a slightly larger group of close friends, and a very large group of social friends. The only ones I really ever hang out with are the “best friends”. The close friends are the ones that are like family, but we live very separate lives and might see each other a few times a year. The others are really fun people from work, church, etc.

    Uh-oh. Are we off topic again? They all use toilets. There. Much better.

  25. TALK! Says:

    Wow…it always amazes me how each person has their own way of living their life.

    I’m so guilty of assuming everyone lives just like I do.

    I’m glad that you have people who are close to you…regardless of shared DNA or not.

    I was kind of sad to read about your siblings…but only because I couldn’t imagine NOT going to my brothers first with good news or good jokes or whatever. But then, I guess you’d feel the same way about me not having any close friends.

    For example, I’m going Friday night to Hattiesburg (about 1.5 horus from Jackson) to watch my baby-est brother, Cooper, play in a football game…but I wish I had a good friend to travel with me there and back. Ha! I guess I want it ALL!!!

    Well…maybe not all…I’d be happy to not have ANY friends if I had Taylor. 😉

    Oh…and I’m pretty sure Taylor has used a urinal.

  26. TALK! Says:

    Wait…you can’t share DNA…can you?

    You share genetic traits…is that DNA?

    All of a sudden…I’ve become a complete moron.

  27. bamaborntxbred Says:

    Well, we don’t actually share any DNA either, ‘cept for my oldest bro. He and I were birthed by the same parents. The other 5 are all siblings and were adopted by my family when I was 7ish.

    My dogs are my family too.

    My best friend in the wholewideworld is 10 years younger than me. She is very close to her family. Her brother just graduated from highschool in May and she would drive home 3 hours every time they had a homegame to his football and baseball games. I went to a few that were closer to Dallas. So much fun! I love her family. They all (grandparents, great-grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.) live in the same small town and show up for everything. It’s so cute!

    Taylor doesn’t pee. He’s perfect, he doesn’t do stuff like that.

  28. TALK! Says:

    You’re right…what was I thinking…Taylor doesn’t pee, fart, or take a dump (the grossest phrase in the human language…sorry). He doesn’t burp, cuss, smoke, pick his nose, sweat, or have eye boogers.

    As a matter of fact…rumour is that Taylor Hicks is so perfect that he hasn’t had to do laundry but once in the last 10 years…and that was because dumbass Kat hugged him and he had to cleanse himself of the cooties.

    —-

    Suddenly I’m wishing you were here in Mississippi because you’d be PERFECT to ride with me to Hattiesburg on Friday. 😉

  29. bamaborntxbred Says:

    I would be the perfect road trip companion. I’m funny. I love to sing along to all kinds of songs. I like to play Slug Bug…but I don’t hit that hard. I like to eat junk food, or I can pack a mean turkey sandwich. I can either stop every hour, or never. I like to act really stupid so other people in cars notice and then I just look at them like they are the stupid ones. I like to write my phone number on a piece of paper and hold it up as I pass hot guys on the road…..

    So, yeah, you have no idea what ur missing.

    (Uh-oh. You don’t think Taylor is actually a robot do you? ‘Cause I bought a Monkey vs. Robot tee with the express belief that Taylor was the monkey.)

  30. TALK! Says:

    Taylor is more perfect than a robot.

    What is Slug Bug?

  31. bamaborntxbred Says:

    Maaaybe he’s a monkbot?

    Slug Bug is a game where the first person to see a VW Bug screams out “slug buuuug!!!!” and punches the other person in the arm. Fun, huh!? It used to be more fun before the new Bugs came out…because you had to be on your toes!

  32. TALK! Says:

    Oooo…we called that “Zit.” Same game..different name.

    Okay…so you’ll drive here for a trip to Hattiesburg on Friday.

    I’m excited to see your mad “travelin’ buddy” skeelz at work.

    Monkbot = exactly

  33. bamaborntxbred Says:

    Ummm….k. You want me to drive 8 hours by myself so I can take a 1.5 hour drive with you? Can you fly into Dallas so I don’t have to drive to your house alone? Then I can drive to Hattiesburg with you and you can drive back to Dallas with me and then you can fly back home. Think we can get all this done in a couple of days?

    I wish I was a Monkbot. Oooh, or a Fembot. I bet a Monkbot would looove a Fembot.

  34. TALK! Says:

    Monkbot would definitely love Fembot.

    K…here’s how we work it for Friday…just don’t come…sit at home and listen to your Justin Timberlake collection.

    runs off, crying at sarcasm from Bama and her apparant lack of mad skeelz for not figuring out a way to drive 8 hours to ride 1.5 hours, go to a football game then turn around and make it back to Dallas before Monday without loosing sleep and sanity

    FINE! ;(

  35. bamaborntxbred Says:

    I’m sorry. Now I’m laughing at you. I mean, I’m not laughing AT you. I’m just laughing cuz ur funny.

    I knew I should’ve invested in that helicopter I wanted to buy to avoid rush hour traffic! It would come in sooo handy in situations like these!

    BTW- I’m bringing sexy baaaack.

  36. TALK! Says:

    ROFL @ U.

    If you HAD bought that chopper…we could use it for some crazy stalking of Taylor.

    We could follow the bus and take crazy videos from above…while wearing our Glitternatzi shirts and screaming for Taylor to take off his shirt and for Ace to throw us a beanie.

    By the way…do you feel sorry at all for any of the girls on the tour this year…it doesn’t seem they are getting their fair share of crazy stalker fans…or maybe I’m just so obsessed over Taylor that I’m not paying attention to anything else.

  37. bamaborntxbred Says:

    There are girls on the tour?

    I totally want that helicopter now! Man, that would be so fun! Maybe we could start a “Buy the Soul Patrol a Helicopter to Stalk Taylor” fund. Of course, we would be in charge of who could use it, when and for what reason.

  38. TALK! Says:

    Well…I heard a rumour about there being girls on the tour…but I don’t know.

    Okay…now I’m all about getting us a helicopter and being travelin’ buddies.

    We could sing along to all kinds of songs…play Slug Jet…eat junk food, or pack a mean turkey sandwich…we can either stop every hour, or never…and we could act really stupid so other people in helicopters would notice and then we could just look at them like they are the stupid ones.

    Oh…and we could fly a big banner with our phone numbers behind the chopper so Taylor would call us.

    What do you think?

  39. bamaborntxbred Says:

    That sounds great! I’ll just stop by in the chopper on Friday, pick you up, we’ll go watch your bro’s game, and then we’ll track down Taylor.

    Can the doggies come to? My dogs like to ride…maybe Sadie could wear a Got Soul? tee.

  40. TALK! Says:

    You KNOW it!

    Oh…and we could have an on-board urinal shaped like a flower.

    The circle is complete.

  41. bamaborntxbred Says:

    You are the master. I’ll call you Mr. Miyagi from now on.

    Wax on. Wax off.

  42. double d Says:

    Ok, I’m truly gonna be fired…my laughing outburst are drawing far too much attention. What will I tell my starvin’ child and husband?! “Sorry, you’re eatin’ mac & cheese this month, ’cause Bama and Shelley were just too freakin’ hilarious for me to hold it in.”

    Oh, and I’m all about the Chopper Patrol…Mobile’s just a short chopper ride from Jackson. Ya’ll can pick me up and we could pass over the Flora Bama, then circle around to get back to Hattiesburg for Coop’s game. Then off to…Denver? Oooh, mountains…SAWEET!

    Shel, assuming Coop’s playing for USM? Maybe you can get him a Golden Eagle urinal. Takes the saying “piss on them” to a whole new level.

    BTW, my word verification was “cuewwy” – a cross between cueball and chewy?

  43. TALK! Says:

    Double D! Finally, you showed up!

    Soul!

    LOL @ cuewwy.

    How is it that my word verifications never have vowels? I always end up with cruddy words like…xxthg or wnvdph.

    Coop is actually playing for Biloxi High School. The game is against Hattiesburg High…unfortunately, it won’t be at Eagle Stadium!

    However, when we get the chopper warmed up…we’ll be flying straight to Mobile to pick you up. 😉

  44. nola Says:

    Dude, Shelley, your blog is bunk. It says 6 comments for this post and then I open it and see that you gals have slewed a whole bunch of goofiness on here today!

    We play “Slug Bug” too, but don’t call it anything. And we say “Punchbuggy (insert color of bug here)!!” as we punch the crap outta the other person. And if you judge wrong and it turns out not be a bug, the other person can hit you back. And I instituted the rule that if you say the color wrong, you also get to punch the person back. Apparently, I’m into violence.

    Y’all jumped all over the place, so that’s all I got right now ….

  45. double d Says:

    “All skate…everybody skate.” Betta late than nevah.

    C’mon peeps….the name of the game is “spadinka”. And we played by NOLA’s rules. If you were mistaken, you pay.

    Hey, I love you guys……

    Word verification….chock full of vowels again….”vuorir”

    Cross between vulcan and au revoir???

  46. TALK! Says:

    I can’t believe you’re getting all those vowels!

    ‘Fess up, DD.

    You were that evil person who always stole all the blank tiles in Scrabble, weren’t you!?!

  47. NOLAgirl Says:

    Spadinka?? What the hell?! Is that a Cajun thing, DD?

    Jumping to another random topic …
    Saw this in People, and it looks kinda cool, if nothing else for a “coffee table” book:
    http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1595558578/104-2115713-2452732?n=283155

  48. suzi-q Says:

    I think the marvelous people at Talk are all chimeras born metaphysically at the same time, fused to share all your DNAseparated, then were dumped by helicopters into all the homes in which you were raised!!!!

  49. double d Says:

    NOLA, you know you ma girl, but, NO!!! We don’ need no stankin’ Woody Harrelson OR Kevin Bacon to “help us heal”. Last time that happened we ended up with a bunch of carpet-baggers stealing our land. Spadinka…maybe a Cajun thing, who knows?…probably picked it up in the bars…ha!

    Suzi-q, chimeras? Sorry, I’m french (mostly). Although, I like your premise.

    Shel, I shit you not…this verification = xnohio

    OK, All kinds of thoughts….like algebra, x = ?

    x = partying
    x = jammin’
    x = #@^$#!

  50. NOLAgirl Says:

    Ha! Why I am not surpised at that response, DD! LOL I wasn’t saying that we should all run out and buy it (much like I did not run out to see the screening of Spike Lee’s documentary!), but it probably is a pretty book. That’s all. 🙂

  51. double d Says:

    You are Ko-Reck, NOLAGirl. Oh, and I want to see the Spike Lee pic but also the Pitre flick too. So much fodder out there, huh?

    Move in date yet?

  52. NOLAgirl Says:

    Tell me more about the Pitre flick – I haven’t heard about that one. Yeah, there is a lot out there. Even Emeril is having N.O. tribute week and cooking all N.O. food! To tell you the truth, I feel like having a big party and getting trashed next Tuesday.

    Unfortunately, no party house! Still no move in date. Dealing with the contractor is become so f’in ridiculous that it’s almost laughable b/c there’s nothing else to do. I wouldn’t be surprised if it was another month.

  53. double d Says:

    NOLA – see this article…

    http://www.al.com/search/index.ssf?/base/entertainment/1156065378114150.xml?mobileregister?cembrantley&coll=3

    Glen Pitre and Michelle Benoit are directing a documentary on musician Don Vappie and his “creoleness” awakenings in the aftermath of the storm.

    Sounds like a better story than Spike’s “what went wrong” bent.

    Girl, I feel so bad for you guys. Sure wish you could get back in your house. It really does make a difference. You’re in my prayers.

  54. TALK! Says:

    Hey y’all…just finished putting up a new post and now I’m heading to bed.

    Listen…since this blog is so goofy and those long links tend to mess up…you might want to try one of two things when sharing links.

    The first is http://www.tinyurl.com. This site lets you plug in long urls and gives you a short one to place for folks to use.

    Or, you can create a hotlink with a little bit of html coding.

    Simply type (I’m putting these on separate lines so they will read correctly…to use, put them all together):

    <
    a

    href=”the entire web address here”

    >

    Linked text

    <
    /
    a
    >

    Love y’all.

    Nightly night.

    Shell

  55. NOLAgirl Says:

    Thanks for the tip Shell! I always wondered how you did the links.

    DD – I did a little Googling and Pitre also has made an IMAX tentatively called “Storm on the Bayou,” which was supposed to be a dramatization of what would happen if a Katrina hit N.O., and then it really happened. No release date on it yet though.

  56. peggyisamused Says:

    I’m sorry, but I went to the site for these cutting edge urinals and they’re just disturbing. seriously. I can’t fathom how anyone in their right mind, be it men who are “in touch with their feminine sides” or rich bored housewives with diamonds bulging out of their pocketbooks, could be remotely intrigued, much less impressed, with these. they’re disgusting. this one in particular http://www.clarkmade.com/images%20urinals/pitcherplant.jpg makes me shudder. i’m shuddering. literally. ewwwww!

  57. TALK! Says:

    Peggy…I particularly like the “veining” on that loverly urinal.

    It reminds me of “The Little Shop of Horrors.”

    Feed me, pee more.

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