Wattle They Think of Next? Quit Takin’ It on the Chin, Taylor!



Okay, so I hesitated on posting this because I didn’t want to be a downer on Taylor Hicks’ first big day of marketing for the new album he begins recording today….but…

Bama made me do it.

So this is me…keepin’ it real.

I’m a big girl. I know it. You know it. Anyone who has been to this site knows it.

You have also seen me post a fair amount of photos of myself…some with one chin…some with 20.

Mostly I take pains to ensure that I look my best in the photos I post…mostly. But there are times that I just let all my lovely, natural, Shelley goodness just flop on da floor.

So it’s with great care and self-awareness that I say what I’m about to say…

Marketing people of the world
…quit casting your ominous shadowy Photoshopped clouds across Taylor’s jawline and chin!

Stop. It. Right. Now.

The guy looks great…just the way he is. Seriously. (Why do I suddenly feel like Mark Darcy?)

The entire Soul Patrol knows he has a bit of a wattle…and we don’t give a rip.

And neither will anyone else, if you’ll just leave it the hell ALONE.

I mean, what’s worse…having a wattle and folks seeing it?


Having a wattle and folks never knowing you have it until you perform in public or live and folks suddenly wondering if you’ve put on weight or have swollen glands?

Doesn’t anyone remember the great Carnie Wilson debacle of 1990?

Carnie was always pictured looking up…camera above her head…with dramatic shadows slashed across her jawline. Or she was sitting on the beach with her sister, Wendy, and bandmate, Chynna Philips. And where Wendy and Chynna were dressed in skimpy, breezy attire…Carnie was practically wearing the entire L.L. Bean Winter catalog. No one bought it…as a matter of fact…folks laughed at how obvious it was that they were COVERING IT UP!

Even Kirstie Alley…when she promoted “Fat Actress,” a show ABOUT HER BEING OVERWEIGHT…was Photoshopped to look like she had the jawline of Tinkerbell. And when the show aired…no one was prepared.

Taylor is nowhere near the state of Carnie and Kirstie at their worst.

He’s handsome. He’s got a GREAT face…and a great wattle, for that matter. It’s just him.

It drives me crazy that “Hollywood” has got to “work around the wattle” to sell Taylor’s image.

I say it’s not necessary. Use flattering angles. Highlight his eyes. Heck…highlight his thighs…those things are quite nice! Just quit with the deep-shadowing crap…it’s really annoying.

Rant off.

How was that, Bama?

Also, folks…don’t forget to turn in your online birthday greetings to me by tonight so that I can post them Saturday!!!!!

E-mail entries to monkbottalk@gmail.com


101 Responses to “Wattle They Think of Next? Quit Takin’ It on the Chin, Taylor!”

  1. Jan Says:

    These marketing pics are so ridiculous! If you are buying the music, why do you care is a chin is in shadow on the CD cover? I watched the video and seeing anyone in an outfit that touches the wrists and covers everything while sitting on the beach is crazy. Everyone looks silly though.

  2. shelley Says:

    Jan…I’m so glad you made that point.

    I was thinking of that after I finished writing the post.

    It IS about the music…so why work SO HARD to cover up something that doesn’t matter.

    I mean, yes, of course I want his publicity photos to be flattering and wonderful…but this just seems to go too far.

  3. double d Says:

    I HATE the “manufactured” looks of these pictures. Even the one in the car….why so brooding? I want me some “fun” Taylor…smiling and happy.

    Not the “steamy, sex symbol” Taylor…I hope the music is not as manufactured as the marketing.

  4. Holeigh Says:

    I’m finding myself torn between Shelley’s Mark Darcy attitude and my deep love for the brooding Taylor pictures, hehehe…

    Thanks for reminding me about the birthday cards, I really need to get on that!

  5. Holeigh Says:

    Ooooh…and I hope Shelley hasn’t copyrighted her Mark Darcy statement, I may have a birthday idea…

  6. shelley Says:

    Nope, Holeigh…it’s all yours! πŸ˜‰

    DD…I’m still waiting for your rap!

    I know what y’all mean about the brooding Taylor…it just doesn’t seem to fit with ANY performance I’ve heard from him.

    Even on stage…her persona is more joyous and…dare I say it…approachable…than these images portray.

    BUT…on the other hand…I’m happy he looks good and that folks are working to SELL him! πŸ˜‰ I want only success and good things for our boy.

  7. Shrewspeaks Says:

    It MAY be the image he wants to portray…

  8. Shrewspeaks Says:

    Just keepin’ reals all…

    Okay, maybe I am pissy today.

  9. shelley Says:

    Glad you’re back, Shrew…even if you are pissy. πŸ˜‰

    You really think brooding is the direction he’s taking?

    And, you know, it’s not so much the brooding aspect I have a problem with as it is the false contouring of his face…it just seems fake.

  10. Shrewspeaks Says:

    Hey, I always look for the photo that I look best in and once in a while I am not above a photoshop moment or two…

    Ah, it so good to have friends that you can actually say “I am pissy” and they understand!

  11. bamaborntxbred Says:

    Well, sometimes when we bicker he broods a little, but for the most part he’s really happy.

  12. bamaborntxbred Says:

    Oh, btw Shelley, I went back to look at the pic of your bros and daddy…and fer sure they’re giving hot blonde fishy guy a run for his money!

    And I have a really good idea for the bday card…I just hope I can pull it off. It’s really, extremely snarky…

  13. shelley Says:

    Yeah for the snark!

    And, Shrew, you got it, girl!

    If your buddies can’t love you when you’re pissy…then they aren’t real buddies!

    Just ask Q…she and James REALLY put up with me at my pissiest!

    That’s friendship, baby. πŸ˜‰

  14. Shrewspeaks Says:

    Bama…I tried the brother route and was given the stiff arm…aka “they are taken” so my dreams are on fish man!

  15. Shrewspeaks Says:

    Awe…poor guy is now terrified that he will have an old lady stalker

  16. shelley Says:


  17. ruhappytoseeme Says:

    I love Taylor for who he is, wether he has a few extra poiunds, loses weight or gains 100 lbs, its his music that moves me, his smile that makes me smile, I do like the brooding look to, and I always pic the best picture of me to post (wich I dont have any good ones any more LOL) but he doesnt pick what pictures they print of him, thats up to the people taking the pics. But I believe to all us Taylor fans it doesnt matter what he looks like as long as he is true to himself we will always follow !

  18. shelley Says:

    Well said, runhappy. πŸ˜‰

  19. double d Says:

    Maybe Gray’s the one that likes the brooding Taylor since he’s picking these to show?

    Shelley – The Rap is complete. If I email to you will you put it on a “background” for me?

  20. bamaborntxbred Says:

    HOLY FREAKIN’ GIANT CATFISH GRAY! The Great Monkbot answered some of our sweet Shelley’s questions??!

  21. Shrewspeaks Says:

    Bama…no kidding…you took the words right outta my big ole’ mouth!

  22. Shrewspeaks Says:

    Okay! That my friends is a depends moment!!!!!!!!

    Pissy mode gone!

  23. Holeigh Says:

    Woo-hoo! Congrats, Shell. πŸ™‚ Can’t wait to read those answers!

  24. double d Says:

    WOOHOO! Monkbot baby!

  25. bamaborntxbred Says:

    I KNEW he could get down with the monkeys.

    Monkbotz Rule!

  26. shelley Says:

    Geesh…I step out for lunch and all kinds of mischief happens!

    Very nice, Gray! How awesome.

    Can’t wait to read interview. πŸ™‚

    (Do I sound calm…’cause I’M NOT!!!!! I’m freakin’ OUT.)

  27. double d Says:

    and Monklex’s…

    Where is Shelley?

    Guess my rap is not so important anymore? 😦

    *sniff* *sniff*

    I’d feel better if Shelley shares the answers with us, though…

  28. shelley Says:

    No….DD you ARE important.

    I thought you deserved a comment JUST for YOU!

    Please send the rap. I’ll do my best to “add tracks”…though I make no promises if it will synch with what you send…but I’ll give it a go! πŸ˜‰

    Thanks so much, sweetie.

    MONKBOTS RULE! (especially DD)

  29. Shrewspeaks Says:

    Feel the MonkBot Lerv? I do!!!!

  30. bamaborntxbred Says:

    You better not be calm chickee! Dat’s some serous (or serious) biniss!

  31. Shrewspeaks Says:

    We want monkey quotes…we want monkey quotes!

  32. Shrewspeaks Says:

    Sorry…that was the antibotic talking..not me πŸ˜‰

  33. double d Says:

    Shelley – THANKS!!

    By background, I meant picture but if you want to “add tracks”, ok. Maybe you could get Coop Dawgy Dawg to record? heh.

  34. Shrewspeaks Says:

    I am so excited for a NEW double d rap!!!!! Shelley, I will have to work on my b-day greeting tonight…is that okay?

  35. shelley Says:

    Shrew…are you talking to me?

    I have no quotes.

    I sent Gray a list of questions after YOU told me to…and I have no idea which ones he asked THE Monkbot.

    And Gray…ever the tease…may have let us all know that some of my questions got answered…but I don’t know WHAT those answers were/are.

  36. shelley Says:

    Shrew…that’s great.

    I’m leaving town Friday, that’s why I had a Thursday deadline…it’s tuff for me to download stuff at my folks house.

    I wanted to get everything up and running Friday before headin’ to Biloxi…so I can be sure to have it up on Saturday ! πŸ˜‰

  37. Shrewspeaks Says:

    Shelley, me and my pal antibiotic were just yelling about monkeys in general. I love my levaquin!

  38. bamaborntxbred Says:

    Oh, the deadline is today for the b-day thingys? Ummm…uhhh…

  39. double d Says:

    Only Shrew knows what the hell levaquin is….go figure.

    shelley- Did you see Q’s response at Gray’s…her work bans her from your site due to content? But let’s her into Gray’s? That’s rich.

  40. shelley Says:

    DD…I know. She told me.

    I hate that we can’t have Q with us here…but I’m so glad Gray is back up so she can enjoy.

    Bama…don’t fret, my pet.

    Get me your b-day by tomorrow afternoon…k?

  41. Shrewspeaks Says:

    Heehee Levaquin…I only know it cause my old firm used to handle the account. Heavy, heavy duty antibiotic that makes you one loopy puppy when you take it. Hence, the monkey yells…that and the fact that while I maybe at work…I am hardly working. Hee!

    Okay…must stop now…shhhhh…stop typing…


  42. bamaborntxbred Says:

    Y’all this totally sucks b/c my boss is breathing down my neck to get some shizzle done today…he actually took some of my work off my desk and did it for me!! I can’t concentrate b/c I wanna be here with y’all!! Waaah!

    I have no work for 6 months and in the last 2 days I have 6 month’s worth of work!

  43. shelley Says:

    Shrew…you’ve officially lost it!

    Bama…I’m worried about you…tell your boss to kiss my big toe!

    And no pressure, folks, but I just got Holeigh’s snarky birthday greeting for Taylor and…IT KICKS TOTAL ASS!!!!

    I’m telling y’all…the snark is where it’s at.

  44. nolagirl Says:

    This place has been on fi-yah!

    I am working like a good girl to have my “homework” done. STILL freaking waiting on my co-worker for that graphic, Shelley. I e-mailed her about it this morning and she replied with a rather cold “I’ll put it on my list.” Yeah, whatever, I think it’s time for plan B! (and please, she is not THAT busy, trust me!)

  45. shelley Says:

    NOLA…have you tried holding her favorite coffee mug for ransom or maybe a more subtle tactic like…beating her with her own keyboard?

    what a pill!

    Make her do it!!!!! IT’s for Taylor’s 30th!!!!!

  46. Holeigh Says:

    Haha, you’re making me blush, Shell. πŸ™‚

    I have to say, I am seriously enjoying reading all of these comments right now…you guys are even funnier today than you usually are!

  47. Shrewspeaks Says:

    Shelley, I’ve lost it? At least I am back posting.

  48. shelley Says:

    Holiegh…you can chalk it up to Shrew being on drugs and Bama stressed over work…and DD in the rap groove…and me…well…I’m still dying over the new pics of Taylor.

    Oh…and to clarify, folks. I will be posting all the b-day cards on SATURDAY. I need them by tomorrow to make sure I can access them before I leave for my parents’ (their internet is a little slow).

    Does that make sense?

  49. shelley Says:

    Don’t get me wrong, Shrew…I like the zany wit of drugged-up Shrewbie! πŸ˜‰


  50. Holeigh Says:

    Haha, alright, so its basically because everyone is on some sort of high at the moment, hmm? πŸ˜‰

    Saturday? Alright, I will so be here! Hehehe.

  51. nolagirl Says:

    I *should* hit her with the keyboard. I can hear her on the phone as we speak bitching about her buying-a-house/fiance woes, hence the rotten mood she’s been in. Doesn’t have time, my ass! Grrr.

  52. Shrewspeaks Says:

    Whew! I am glad for that clarification Shelley.

    I was hoping it wasn’t like when you are drinking at a party and someone says “Shhhh, lower your voice” and your response is said at a booming level “I’m not yelling, am I?”

    Anyway…(in booming voice) MONKBOTZ RULE!

  53. bamaborntxbred Says:

    I just answered the phone at work:

    “This is Evie. How can I help it?”


    How can I help being Evie? Really?

    At least I didn’t answer: “This is Bama.”

  54. Shrewspeaks Says:

    Bama’s been nipping some of my Levaquin πŸ˜‰

  55. Holeigh Says:

    Oh pleeeeaaaaase answer the phone “This is Bama” next time! Hahaha…

  56. double d Says:

    shrew said:

    I was hoping it wasn’t like when you are drinking at a party and someone says “Shhhh, lower your voice” and your response is said at a booming level “I’m not yelling, am I?”

    Glad nobody’s up here, ‘cuz I guffawed, yes, actually guffawed…Hey, I resemble that remark…

    And, that Gray is a slick one, ain’t he. The “thud” filter at work.

  57. double d Says:

    Long live Levaquin

    I definitely know what to ask for with my next “infection”….

  58. shelley Says:

    Okay…y’all are gonna get me fired for laughing so loud today.

    Shrew for “I’m not yelling, am I?”


    Bama for “not being able to help it.”

    Official Prize of the Day goes to y’all, girls.

  59. Holeigh Says:

    Very deserving recipients of today’s prize, haha. πŸ™‚

  60. Shrewspeaks Says:

    Oh yeah, MonkBot cheers for that Filter Gray has!!!! Shelley you think he could give you the script so we could have it here? Except we wouldn’t want it to say anything about “you know”, but about the glorious MonkBot Revolution or the Dive Bar Tour or something….

    OOOOOOH Prize of the day? I can’t really take the honors…it really goes to my doctor who wrote the RX and Ortho-McNeil the makers of Levaquin.

  61. Holeigh Says:

    Okay, so I know Gray has The Filter, but I’m pretty sure I missed the post it was used on, haha. Anyone know whereabouts it is off the top of their head?

  62. shrewspeaks Says:

    Double D’s post 130 i believe

  63. shelley Says:


    Nah, the only I can do is moderate the comments…and I ain’t about to tackle that…especially if we have more days like today.

    But, as Holeigh knows, I will give you a literary KICK if you do “thud” or “squee” or use the word “onion” in an unvegetable-like way. (or is it a root..whatevah)

  64. Holeigh Says:

    Yes, the bruise is still on the back of my head from getting thumped by Shelley, haha.

    And thanks, Shrew!

  65. Shrewspeaks Says:

    Okay…I have to ask my favorite foil MonkBots…did this just make you laugh so hard?

    hezzer19 Says:

    October 5th, 2006 at 2:26 pm
    So Gray how much fun are you having torturing people? hee hee.

    What are you wearing? “

    Hmmm wonder who that is? Probably no one special…but it is fun to speculate.

  66. double d Says:

    hezzer is from mj’s.

    Gray had a habit of asking a poster named Jane Reaction, “What are you wearing?”, referring to what was she going to wear to the AI concert she was attending…they asked posters for a fashion report….

    Did I say that I’m so glad to be HERE.

    Oh, and the filter was on this post…

    double d Says:

    October 5th, 2006 at 1:31 pm
    Let’s try it.

    Not only do I love Katharine Mchpee, I plan on buying 100 copies of her album.

    Gotta love Gray, even if he can’t spell worth crap.

  67. Shrewspeaks Says:

    HA! It took me forever to see the “Mchpee” haahaahaa

    Okay…nobody spin shiny things infront of me, I don’t think I could hack it.

  68. double d Says:

    he hi-jacked 161 too…using McPhee and DAUGHTRY.

    genius. pure genius.

  69. shelley Says:

    evil genius…but genius nonetheless

  70. Ridearoundsally Says:

    All this time I thought it was the Taylor chat I was missing and it turns out it was a good old fashioned “Shelly rant”. I actually got to see that chin in person a couple of weeks ago in a hotel lobby..remind me to tell ya about that in more detail!!!!
    luv ya shell…sally x

  71. shelley Says:

    awww…sally’s posting at monkbot talk. πŸ™‚

    sally…was this when you stood on the glass coffee table and were hauled off by authorities?

    ’cause that story is LEGEND, baby.

  72. bamaborntxbred Says:

    I’m a whimpering, slobbering mound of brain jello now…and I didn’t even have to use my brain for what I did at work today….

    I’m sad b/c I missed all the fun…but I’m happy that my idiocy has once again landed me the pic-o-the-day. Glad I got to share it w/loopy Shrew!

  73. Shrewloopy Says:

    Bama…back atcha babe!

  74. shelley Says:

    get a room!

    gack at the lovefest between bama and shrewloopy

  75. nolagirl Says:

    Well kids, I am thoroughly sucked of every once of everything right about now after finishing my homework and turning it in to Ms. Powers. Whew!

    Things sure were hoppin today!

    And … Grey’s Anatomy tonight – woo hoo!!!!!

  76. Holeigh Says:


    My friend is in the hospital, getting induced to have her baby sometime in the next day or so! I am sooo excited!

  77. bamaborntxbred Says:

    Babies are cool. Especially when they belong to other people! Way to go Holeigh’s friend!

    Shelley, you can come to our festival of love. You are always invited!

    Bartender! A round of Squishy Muffin Bunnies for all my friend’s here!

  78. Holeigh Says:

    Hahaha, I like that especially, bama.

    I’m going to be a fake aunt, soon!

    Enjoy your Squishy Muffin Bunnies, girls, I’m off to class.

  79. nolagirl Says:

    Have fun at class! And congrats on being a “fake” aunt! πŸ˜‰

  80. Shelley Says:

    Shrew…I distinctly remember saying that the 15-year-old is available.


  81. shelley Says:

    Bye Holeigh…good luck to the mommy-to-be. We’ll have a SMB in her honor!

    NOLA’s birthday greeting is GREAT y’all! You’ll lurve it!

    Wow, today has been crazy, huh?

  82. suzi-q Says:

    Hey Monkbots, is Shrewloopy from Sri Lanka?????? Y’all are from another planet and I want a vacation there, been teaching high schoolers for two months now without a break and it’s two more months before Thanksgiving BUT I gotta be thankful cause my creative artist (of Monkbot fame) sent me a clip from a Texas reporter about SKIDBOOT!!! Y’all gotta check it out if you have time. Something tells me Taylor would love SKIDBOOT (clip is old, precious dog has probably passed on) But the cowboy is marvelous too, to quote”life is too precious to be upset”. Y’all have a great night, Leviquin induced or not:)

  83. shelley Says:

    Just in case y’all want to know what suzi-q is talkin’ ’bout.

    Skidboot the Dog

  84. Shrewspeaks Says:

    Okay, Skidboot made me cry…and that is NOT the Levaquin talking…beautiful really beautiful.

    Fess up Shelley, you found that while searching for Mario clips didn’t ya?

  85. Gray Charles Says:


    Just wanted to let you know before anyone else. I got some of your questions answered a few minutes ago.

  86. Quossum Says:

    Here I am! Sadly, I can only join in in the evening, when all the fun’s already over. *sniff sniff* At least you guys can see me over at Gray’s now and then these days. *recovers somewhat*

    On topic…I don’t mind if they use strategic camera angles to “minimize” certain…ah…aspects of Taylor’s appearance–hell, I do that myself when someone photographs me. However, I am completely against using digital manipulation. I have one of the AI posters of Taylor, and boy, was it under the photoshopping gun! Did you know that our swarthy Taylor has no hair on his hands? I guess they decided that would be a distraction, though they did use the hands themselves to hide the chin. Hmmnm….you can’t win!


  87. Gray Charles Says:

    He even made a monkey reference, unprompted!

  88. NOLAgirl Says:

    *waves to Q*

    Hey honey! Glad to see you here!

  89. shelley Says:

    Q…ugh…they digitally shaved his knuckles?

    What good is a monkbot without hairy knuckles!!??!!

  90. Robin4T Says:

    Very nice place you’ve got here, Shelley. Sorry it’s taken me so long to drop by.

    You’ve got it right about the wattle. Taylor does not need their misguided help whether with carefully placed shadows, upturned collars or (worst of all) the dreaded airbrush. I’ll take the real thing over the manufactured image, thank you very much.

    So, you want some wattle? Here’s a link to my fave wattle pic, which I took in Wilkes-Barre. The boogie board consensus was that we now know how Taylor looks asleep in a chair. πŸ™‚

  91. robin4T Says:

    Oops. Forgot the link. Here you go.


  92. robin4T Says:

    Hmm. Well this is embarassing. Guess the link doesn’t work here. So,I’m really proficient at this blogging stuff.

  93. Quossum Says:

    Yes! It’s quite disturbing. They did some stuff to the face, too, so that he looks a bit younger. I can understand a bit of manipulation for a poster-size blow-up–after all, you don’t want people staring at pores the size of anjou pears or anything–but still, I think we can handle a few hairs.

    I just watched that Wilson Phillips vid–brings back the memories, that. What horrifies me most is that the girl really is NOT all that big, and yet they’re going through such contrivances to keep her covered up. Bah. The styles these days tend to be skin-tight, and I do see some ladies in some outfits a bit more…form-fitting than perhaps reason dictates, but still…I think nowdays people are a *little* more accepting of different sizes…maybe?


  94. Quossum Says:

    Actually, Robin, we can see it if we cut and paste the link. That IS a funny one. Poor tired boy! LOL


  95. shelley Says:

    Q…you hit the nail on the head about Carnie Wilson…she looks pretty in that video…they didn’t need to cover her so.

    Robin4t…I’m SO glad you showed up. I hope you’ll come back! πŸ™‚

    I cut and pasted the link and got to see the loverly wattle…very nice.

    Thanks for sharing! πŸ™‚

  96. robin4t Says:

    Thanks for the welcome, Shelley. And glad you could view the pic. I’ll definitely drop by again. Actually have a long weekend ahead and plan to poke around in some of your earlier posts and get the lay of the land. See you soon!

  97. Shrewspeaks Says:

    Ah the end to a beautiful day…and 8 more days of Levaquin…can you all handle it?

    Insert evil MonkBot Laughter here

  98. shelley Says:

    Robin4t…sounds like a plan!

    Usually weekends are pretty quiet here…though Saturday we have something special planned (because of you-know-who’s birthday). πŸ˜‰

    So…take your time and click around.

    Please allow me to suggest one of my favorite posts.

  99. nolagirl Says:

    Hey Robin4T! Good to see ya! Thanks for the pic, too. I can practically envision a remote in one hand, football on the TV, and snores – just from looking at it! πŸ˜‰

  100. NOLAgirl Says:

    Ok, beacause it has been bugging me to see this sit at 99 comments …


    Do I get a prize??? πŸ˜‰

  101. shelley Says:

    Official 100th Post Prize for NOLA

    (I’m excited…this is my first post to get 100 comments!)

Comments are closed.

%d bloggers like this: