You Skeevy Little Perv


dwight.jpgToday’s post is for everyone who watches “The Office.” (If you don’t watch the show…I’m sorry…you probably won’t get the following.)

“Dwight…you’re not allowed to take off your pants in the middle of the office.” – Jim

“I am now chopping Phyllis’ head off with a chainsaw….ring-ing-ing-ing-ing.” – Andy

“My bonus check was $100 less than you promised…I’m not doing a lick more work until I get my bonus check.” – Stanley to Michael

“You are not as much fun as your Jamaican brud-dahs…mon.” – Michael to Stanley

“Inventory is boring. In the Islands they don’t make you do stuff like inventory…why do you think so many businesses move to the Caymans?” – Michael

“The Jamaicans don’t have a word for impossible.” – Michael

“Yep, it’s English…it’s ‘impossible.'” – Jim

“Jan told me to play it cool and not tell anybody because it could get us in trouble, so officially I did not see her…but I did see Jan there…in our room…at night…and in the morning. That’s all I’m going to say…

Sex. We had sex. I had sex with her. I had sex with Jan.” – Michael

“Hey, I need to talk to you.” – Toby to Michael

“Not now. Not ever.” – Michael to Toby

“About you and Jan.” – Toby

“Aww, none of your business.” – Michael

“I wish that were true but it seems from the photo of the two of you that you are in an intimate relationship.” – Toby

“That photo is my personal property and if you are telling that you went on my computer and stole that photo, I’m going to call the cops.” – Michael

“Michael, nine different people e-mailed me that photo…including my ex-wife…you know, for your own protection you should disclose this relationship to H.R.” – Toby

“…I bet you would love all the details, wouldn’t you, you skeevy little perv.” – Michael

While planning a luau…

“I called every grocery store in Scranton and no one sells whole pigs.” – Phyllis

“Did you try the petting zoo?” – Angela

“Who did this to you…where is he?” – Dwight to Pam (who is crying)

Hands her a handkerchief and sits beside her.

“You don’t need to stay here.” – Pam

“I know.” – Dwight

Dwight puts his arm around her as she starts to cry again.

“So you’re PMSing pretty bad, huh?” – Dwight

“Despite everything…I still want to be with you.” – Jan to Michael

“And I…in addition…feel…the same feelings…that you are…as well.” – Michael to Jan

I love this show. If you don’t watch the show…run…don’t walk…to iTunes and download it. I swear, it’s the funniest (and at times…the most touching) show on television.

So to “The Office” I say…you complete me.

UPDATE: I just realized that I didn’t really give a question or specific topic for discussion.

So here are two things to ponder…one for Office-phites and one for everyone to chime in on…

1. What’s with the last two episodes showing the softer side of Dwight? (Holding Angela’s hand last episode and, in last night’s episode, comforting Pam…even if he thought she was PMSing…) Why do you think the writers are giving us these little tender Dwight nuggets?

2. From the on-going storyline of Jan and Michael we see where this beautiful, smart, confident woman can’t keep herself from being attracted to a complete ninny of a guy…who has a great heart…but who bungles pretty much everything he does. My question to y’all is…have you ever been in a situation like that…where you couldn’t help liking someone who, socially, would ruin you? What would you (did you) do if you were faced with that situation?


21 Responses to “You Skeevy Little Perv”

  1. double d Says:

    I still don’t watch The Office for various reasons, so thanks for the synopsis at the end, Shel.

    First, and here’s a revelation, teenage girls are officially the MEANEST entity on the face of the planet. When I was a Freshman in high school, I was Class President. I got to be Class President because I had friends in every “group”.

    There was one girl who played sports and that had been a friend since grade school. Of course, as President I was expected to hang out with only the cheerleaders and “in” crowd. Bottom line is I didn’t and subsequently was not Sophomore Class President. In fairness, I didn’t run for basically the reason that I didn’t like all the cow-towing to cliques, etc.

    However, the experience taught me a valuable life lesson about friendship and loyalty. Many times, my principles have adversely affected my “success”, however I sleep well at night.

    The girl from the story actually ended up being quite popular by our Senior year and remained a life long friend until her death of cancer two years ago.

  2. bamaborntxbred Says:

    I have to say that last night’s Office was one of the funniest of the entire season!

    My favorite scene by far was the one where Dwight tried to “comfort” Pam. When he bowed up and said “Who did this to you? Where is he?” I almost peed my pants! Also, when he was following behind Michael after seeing Jan’s pic blown up on the wareshouse wall…he was running right on his heels. It was just such priceless Dwight-ness!

    And, I have to thank you Shelley for your phone call pointing out Michael’s tiny little dread-lock and beads. I about died when I saw that!

    I really can’t think of any guy I liked that was socially inept. I’ve liked guys before that weren’t good-looking, or that were “bad-boys” that I couldn’t take home to Momma. I, fer sure couldn’t ever see myself dating someone like Michael Scott!!!

  3. texan Says:

    Didya know you can have Dwight call you or an unsuspecting friend? A friend of mine discovered it on I was shocked at first when the phone rang! I tried to recall the last time I received a prank call! Then, I realized it was Dwight. Funny stuff. And yes, my first suspect was Shrew! Sorry sis, I blamed you too fast!

  4. Shrewspeaks Says:

    Gob nammbitt! I was on a business call last night and missed it!!!! Thank god for iTunes!

    So I will answer part II first. Socially inept men huh? I have never been attracted to a “Michael” type or even a “Dwight”. I did date a guy who was umm lacking. He had a tendancy to were his pants like Fred Mertz. He also had the fatal “Keys on the zippy chain” attached to his belt. I think I could have worked with those two things…but even worse…he SMACKED his food when he ate! I knew he was a goner at first bite of his seafood bouillabaisse. (Beau is quieter at his bowl than this guy was.) I tried really hard at the insistence of my sister and best friend to look beyond these faults. But alas…his positives were not overwhelming enough…the words “I’d rather be alone” came way too easily!

    Now, The softer side of Dwight…could the writers be ramping up for a big Dwight vs. Andy story and trying to get sympathy on Dwight’s side?

  5. Shrewspeaks Says:

    PS- Texan…that was hysterical…seriously guys she didn’t believe it when I said I had NOTHING to do with the Dwight Call.

  6. bamaborntxbred Says:

    I’m totally going to have Dwight call my BFF. She is going to DIE!!! Thank you so much for the heads up!!

    Yeah, I’m w/Shrew. I think they’re gonna pit Andy against Dwight. I kinda hope they keep both on the show…but I would soooo kick Andy to da curb for Dwight!!

    Team Dwight!!

  7. shelley Says:

    I’ve looked all over the NBC site…where is the place to get Dwight to call someone?

  8. Shrewspeaks Says:

    Looks like it went the way of Dwight’s blog

  9. double d Says:

    So, now I see that I totally missed the point (again). You wanted to know if I ever was in a situation with a socially inept guy (as in boyfriend)…Um, well…if you count my first husband, Yes. But you ain’t got enough space for me to write about THAT one.

    I am FORTUNATE to now be married to a drop-dead gorgeous, considerate, polite Southern Gentleman who IRONS. šŸ™‚ Manners are impeccable.

    Ignore my initial comment from this morning. I’m so lost re: The Office, best I just refrain from participating on FRIDAYS.

  10. Texan Says:


    I will ask the culprit and/or email you the voice message file. … and Shrew would have done it if she had a chance! The message starts with Dwight stuck in the men’s room without toilet tissue. HA!

  11. Libby Says:

    Sadly, I am not an Office viewer.

    I appreciate the second question to include all of us –even those who have not seen the show.

    I make it a practice never to date folks from work. Have a horror of being water cooler conversation. Many yrs ago — I dated a guy who was very intelligent — but a little inept on social intelligence. I was at a lonely point and knew it would not be a serious love affair. I enjoyed talking to him — and went out thinking we could keep it a secret — and avoiding water cooler discussion.

    Well, as you can guess — everyone knew we went out except for me. He started dating another girl inthe dept without telling me — and a huge false rumor started on how heart broken I was and jealous of his new girlfriend. Felt betrayed — I wanted him as a friend only — why not tell me the truth. It was very embarrassing –and I swore no more dating someone at work. Or if you do ( which Ihave not ) — do not kid yourself to thinking no one will find out.

  12. leejolem Says:

    Ok , I have to confess. I’ve never watched The Office. I’m ducking now. I’m really not a big tv watcher lately except for stupid reality shows. I also have another reason for not watching–I have a big crush on Steve Carell, and I don’t think I would like his character on The Office. Here’s a silly question–is his character, Michael, a real jerk or does he have redeeming qualities? I loved Steve in 40 Year Old Virgin and in Little Miss Sunshine (if you haven’t seen that movie run, don’t walk out to rent the DVD). I also feel like it might be hard to catch up on The Office since I haven’t watched it yet. Somebody needs to provide me with character summaries and a quick synopsis of the last seasons–anyone game?

    Shelley, Your question reminded me of the show Beauty and the Geek. Some of the guys on the show just need a little tlc to get them out of the ineptness (is that a word?). I’m a firm believer in being able to “mold” the men we love a little bit (not change their character, but their habits a little bit). When I met my hubby 24 hrs ago he said the-A-ter (emphasis on “A”) not theater, and when I heard him say it I thought he was joking, like doing a bad Gomer Pyle impression–lol. Luckily now he’s much more “swave” than he was back then.

  13. shelley Says:

    Leejolem…I promise you it wouldn’t take much for you to catch up on “The Office.”

    The first season was only like 8 or 10 episodes. The second was more but the show is only in its third season.

    Go rent it…or download it from iTunes.

    I wouldn’t recommend watching it with HicksChick4Soul…until you have watch all the episodes and can skip the parts that might be inappropriate (I’m assuming she is in her teens).

    Steve Carrell is a large part of the show and YES he is jerky…but not a jerk. Actually, his character is disarmingly sweet…though social inept and lacking all sense of confidence…which he poorly masks with much self bravado.

    I love the show because it’s funny…but even more, I love it because of its nuances. For me, the second viewing of each show is better than the first…because there is so much to take in.

    It’s truly one of the best shows in television (if not THE best).

  14. bamaborntxbred Says:

    I concur with Shelley! The Office is best understood once you have an understanding of the characters. I watched an episode once with a friend who had never seen it before…I was dying laughing, and she was like “huh?”. I kept trying to explain all the back stories of the characters and why what so-n-so just said to wathisname was so damn funny. She just didn’t get it.

    You should definitely rent the first two seasons and let the series grow on you. It might be hard to get used to at first b/c of the “mockumentary” style of filming.

    Steve Carrell is brilliant! His character Michael is cringe-worthy, but he is also endearing.

    Try it…you’ll like it!

    (I’m working on a Sunday…so as per usual, I’m goofing off on the internet!)

  15. leejolem Says:

    Bama, yay!! another person working on Sunday. I was tempted to send out a message for other Monkbots to come out and play.

    I’m definitely going to try and watch the 1st 2 seasons in my spare time (ha ha). I know my husband won’t get the humor at all, so I’ll have to watch it on my own.

    I think Steve Carell is so brilliant. I love whatever character he plays. Have you seen 40 Year old Virgin? There are definitely some gross out humor type things, but some of it is heartwarming and hysterical. When he takes his girlfriend’s daughter to the planned parenthood type class I couldn’t stop laughing!

  16. bamaborntxbred Says:

    Yeah, I saw 40YOV and Little Miss Sunshine. I love them both. 40YOV was pretty vulgar, but it still comes across as a movie with heart. LMS was one of my fave movies of 2006.

    I really hope you love The Office as much as I do! It would be great to have another MB in the mix to talk about it!

    I can’t wait for Grey’s to start again! I’m so excited!

  17. leejolem Says:

    LMS was da bomb!! My DH and 2 daughters and I all watched it together at home. The last scene when Olive (girl’s name?) does her dance routine is gut splitting! I also think Greg Kinnear is a very underrated actor. He was great in As Good As It Gets. He didn’t overdo the gay character. His character is so annoying in LMS, but he redeems himself in the end.

    I have only watched Grey’s hit and miss (I know, I’m a Monkbot failure). I was so into ER for years that it was hard to get into a new hospital drama. I loved Patrick Dempsey way back in the day when he had big hair. He has only gotten better with age.

  18. bamaborntxbred Says:

    I never could get into ER for some reason. There wasn’t enough levity to it. I can’t watch too much drama w/o it….I get too depressed!

    I love Greg Kinnear too. I want to see Fast Food Nation that came out recently, I know he’s in it….

  19. leejolem Says:

    Bama, you’re right, ER was certainly not a “dramady”. It lost a lot of its appeal when George Clooney left. I have always been a sucker for a man w/gray in his hair.

    OMGosh, I just realized every post I make has a reference about some man that I think is hot/have a crush on/love, etc…. What is wrong w/me? I am still boy crazy and I’m 41 years old. Helllppppp!!!!!!

    Speaking of movies have you seen The Holiday? It was a chick flick, but written w/intelligence. Kate Winslet is one of my favorites and Jack Black is to comedy what Taylor is to music for me–he could read the phone book and make me laugh. Loved, loved, loved it!!!!!! JT’s girlfriend is good in it too. There are so many movies out right now that i want to see–Dreamgirls, Charlotte’s Web, The Pursuit of Happyness, Happily Never After, Happy Feet, The Good German, the list goes on and on. So many movies, so little time.

  20. bamaborntxbred Says:

    I haven’t seen The Holiday yet but I soooo want to! I’ve just been so busy between the holidays, work and being sick!

    I love Kate Winslet so much. Have you ever seen Heavenly Creatures? She played a teenager that was kinda wacko and helped murder her bff’s mother. It was the first movie I’d ever seen her in…she was riveting. I knew she’d be a star. Also loved her in Sense and Sensibility and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

    Jack Black is AWESOME!! I loved him most in Shallow Hal. I love that movie!

    I’m totally boy-crazy too, so no biggie! It’s only b/c there are so many cool guys in this world!

    I’m about to leave for a meeting so I prolly won’t be back today! I’m going to be so busy this week…I hope I can make it to Monkbot a few times!!

    Have a great rest of the weekend!

  21. leejolem Says:

    Heavenly Creatures was a creepy yet great movie. Sense and Senisbility is my fav Jane Austen flick.

    Have a great week. It was fun to have a Monkbot to gab with today!

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