And I Thought Saturday Would Be Boring…


My expectations for Saturday were fairly low.

Not in a bad way, just in a “I have nothing much planned today” way.

Other than catching a matinee with my friend, Jon, and picking up a camera from another friend, Kathy Sue, all I really HAD to take care of was getting groceries. And I also knew I wanted to visit a local butcher shop…but more on that later.

I woke around 8 a.m., got showered and dressed as soon as I could stumble out of bed and let Sadie out. I put on jeans and my turquoise shirt and threw my hair back in a ponytail. I was very pleased to notice that my jeans fit a little looser than normal (thanks to two weeks of cooking for myself…this is possibly the longest I’ve gone in four years withOUT buying food from a restaurant.)

Once I was ready for the day and had loaded my iPod up with a bunch of new songs I had purchased (I had gone on a Dolly Parton binge thanks to a post at Gray’s that morning)…I was ready for the day.

I loaded Sadie in the car and pulled out of the drive to head to Kathy Sue’s house. She’s having her engagement party next weekend and asked if I would serve as photographer. I agreed, but only if I could borrow her digital camera…which is TONS nicer than mine. She was to leave it hidden in her storage room for me to pick up…as she was visiting her grandmother in the Delta this weekend.

It was a beautiful day…70-something degrees and sunny. As I drove down the street, I couldn’t help but notice the saddest excuse of a garage sale going on not more than five houses down from my house. A scattering of smallish, uneventful items were set on a couple of rickety tray tables and overturned cardboard boxes that lined the driveway. I slowed somewhat…to peruse from my car, but nothing caught my eye, so I decided to drive on.

I got to K.S.’s house and found the camera, hidden where she told me she’d leave it for me…under a red plaid blanket.

I jotted her a note to let her know I had the camera, set it on the blanket, then drove on to Jimmy’s Gourmet Meat and Speciality Shoppe.

I didn’t know what quite to expect at the butcher shop. I had told Jon I was running by the butcher and he said…”The butcher? Are you living in 1950?”

I did feel a little Barbara Billingsly walking into the shop…though Jon insisted it was more of a Jane Wyatt act.

I gotta admit, it was nice having someone wait on me and answer all my stupid questions. The best you get at the Kroger is a guy running around, with lots of customers and little selection.

Another plus is that…all the butcher shop guys were fairly hunky. Not really my type, but very nice to look at through cases of raw meat. Err…that doesn’t sound right…or does it?

I asked what type of fish would be mild and tasty.

“Anything but salmon,” I said.

They recommended tilapia. It was $7.99 per pound (yikes). I bought three vacuum packed, frozen fillets .

I also saw a beautiful, lean cut of pork and had butcher guy cut me two 6 oz. servings. The coolest part of the visit was that they actually used honest to goodness butcher paper to wrap the pork.

Sadly, it takes very little to impress me.

After the butcher, I ran by the house to drop off the meat and put Sadie in the backyard to enjoy the beautiful day. The garage sale was winding down and my neighbor was moving items to the curb. I couldn’t help but notice a big box, filled with old crutches. For whatever inane reason, I really wanted those crutches. But I couldn’t stop…I only had a few minutes to get to the new theatre in Madison to see “The Holiday” with Jon.

Fantastic movie. I’ve never thought Cameron Diaz was a great actress, but she had some wonderful moments. Kate Winslet was precious. Jack Black gave us some chuckles. But Jude…

Jude Law is absolutely beautiful. He radiated from the screen. Not only is he gorgeous, his portrayal of the “widowed dad with heart” was lovely.

My only complaint with the movie is that they hired one of the hottest actors in Hollywood and used him in only one scene.

That actor is John Krasinski.

He was adorable…for the full 60 seconds he was on the screen.


But all my irritation with Hollywood was forgotten when I pulled back up to the house.

In my mailbox was a package…from Mind Doc.

I grabbed the package and excitedly opened it…and found…a pair of underwear.

Seriously, when I opened the package and saw the skivvies (pictured atop this post)…I howled with laughter. They are genuine Neighborhoodies drawers. Of course they are WAY too small to wear on my big butt…however…perhaps as a lovely chapeau? The new Taylor Toboggan…I’m sure it will be the next big craze with the kids.

Once I had caught my breath after laughing hysterically at Mind Doc’s gift…I went out to check on Sadie in the backyard and noticed some torn paper near the back fence.

Now, I’m used to trash being in my yard. I live across from an elementary school. Cheetos bags, candy wrappers, notes that didn’t make it to the teacher, or A+ tests that didn’t make it to refrigerator doors…if it was in a backpack at one time…it usually ends up in my yard at some point.

Today’s find was from someone who really, really likes strawberry cake…but has a small aversion to the letter “o”.

I headed back in the house and put together a grocery list then went to the Kroger to get my non-meat things. I couldn’t help but notice the box of crutches was still there, but it was getting dark and I wanted to get my shopping done before it got too late…so, once again, I left them at curbside.

Once I got to the Kroger and was walking toward the entrance, I noticed a mother and two children, a boy and a younger girl, in the parking lot. Both kids had Mylar balloons…obviously purchased for good behavior. But just as they began to load their car, the little girl’s balloon escaped and began floating away into the dark sky. She didn’t cry. She just stood there and watched. I stood there, too…watching it tussle with the breeze as it lifted. I’m sure I can attribute this to seeing too many movies or watching way too much television, but seeing a balloon on the run always makes me feel wistful and dreamy.

It took a second or two, but I finally came to my senses and stepped out of the middle of the thoroughfare. I grabbed my camera phone as fast as I could to snap a shot for the blog, but that balloon was in an awful hurry. I only managed to capture a blur…as well as two other objects that, I’m sure, I hadn’t seen before. I quickly put my phone away and trotted inside the safety of the store…a girl simply can’t leave herself vulnerable to a potential alien abduction.

On the way home from the grocery store…I lingered a bit in front of my neighbor’s house…pining for those stupid crutches, which still beckoned to me from there cardboard nest. I can’t explain what on Earth their appeal was to me. The Okidata printer (circa 1989) and the hospital tray table that also sat on the curb did nothing for me…but those crutches…I wanted them so badly that I couldn’t stand it. Why would I want these? Why?!

Okay, so I’ve rescued more than my fair share of junk from the curb in my time…among my top finds are a chair (still have it), a small bookshelf (still have it), an entertainment center (read: an old phone cable spindle…don’t still have it)…and…the pièce de résistance…a 1970-something jukebox with a miniature rotating disco ball hanging above the song menu and the words “Be a Pepper” plastered on the side (this was found by me and my brother, Ben, who helped me load it and haul it home…and then promptly reload it and take it to the dump once Mom saw it).

Curb culling is a sickness…I admit to that. But isn’t admitting it the first step toward recovery?

You’ll be happy to know, I resisted the urge to take the crutches. I settled for a snapshot. But believe me when I tell you that, after such an eventful day and knowing those crutches were calling to me from a mere five houses away…I could barely fall asleep that night.

I did finally drift off, however…and I dreamed of what a fantastic day I had had…and I rested peacefully knowing that, if those ridiculous crutches were still there in the morning…they would be mine.

Thank goodness they weren’t.

I’m truly beyond help.


25 Responses to “And I Thought Saturday Would Be Boring…”

  1. Rowan Says:

    Whoo hoo! Your day sounded fantabuluso. Love the undies!They deserve to be flaunted in all their glory, and yep, a hat is a good sensible option. I can see how you might draw the line at leaping out of phone-boxes sporting them on top of tights, just to give them the audience they merit. Superhero guises dismissed, perhaps Sadie could wear them when out for walks? She would really cut a dash.

    The little girl’s school jotter fragment is very sweet. Thank’s for sharing!

    Laughed out loud over the crutches. Junk certainly exercises a centrifugal force over me as well. Heard a story on ther radio a few years back about a woman who drove along a roundabout (ring road) and spotted an abandoned microwave on the kerb. Her husband was an engineer, and it looked in good condition, so she pulled over, despite the honking horns, and nabbed it. Minutes later, she heard sirens behind her, and was stopped by the police. “Madam”, they announced, “You have stolen our speed trap.” o-{:8D}

  2. shelley Says:

    Boy…I guess her husband wasn’t as good an engineer as he should be…if that mistake was made.

    Great story, Rowan. 🙂

  3. Rowan Says:

    Ah, Shelley, I didn’t tell it well – she was taking it home to her engineer husband to fix-up, as it looked in good condition, apart from being abandoned for some potentially fixable flaw! Think the poor woman was deeply mortified. It sounds like a bit of a veiled personal admission, and might have been,if I could actually drive. When I heard the tale I got goosebumps and thought,”There you go – there’s a sharp and timely warning against carrying-off abandoned junk.” It could so easily have been me…(shiver.)

    MindDoc – I want a pair of Taylor Hicks knicks too. Do they do them in black? I only buy black now, cos all my white small stuff goes grey in the wash, and I’m making a pre-emptive strike.

  4. Shrewspeaks Says:

    Rowan “All my white small stuff goes grey” bwaaaaahaa I love that and the microwave speed trap story…classics!

    First…BRAVO to cooking and going to the butcher and all! (I prefer to think of it as very Donna Reed of you)

    Now to the trash/treasure…first I must pat you on the back for passing up on the crutches…but how in the heck could you NOT grab the stylin’ “99 cent Cooler”?

    Oh and thanks to your posts last week I am firmly cemented in an 80’s music jag. Just listened to the Cure’s “Love Cats” and my cubical neighbor told me they would have to kill me if I played it again. I pulled the whole…”I am sorry iPod set on shuffle thing. I think I will play Frankie Goes to Hollywood next Heehee!

    Love to you all!


    PS-anyone else jazzed about tomorrow night?

  5. Rowan Says:

    Hey Shrew! yep, second your well-done to Shelley on the cooking front, and the loose jeans. Respect, sister! My cooking amounts to heating up the beans for my baked potato in an actual pan, instead of relying on the thermal properties of the potato itself…you guys are an inspiration.

    Shrew – Frankie Goes to Hollywood? You are meeeean and I give you a high-five across the miles. (I have long arms.)

  6. nolagirl Says:

    Yay for loose jeans!! 🙂

    Can’t wait to see how your butcher finds come out on the plate!

    Shrew – YES! I am excited about tomorrow! This weekend watching football, they played the commercials every 5 minutes it seemed like!

  7. shelley Says:

    Rowan…beans for your baked potato?

    Please explain that.

    (The pork turned out GREAT! Haven’t cooked fish yet.)

  8. Anonymous Says:

    Sounds like an uberly exciting day….The Holiday was a GREAT movie-I love Jack Black!!! And I’ve never been to the butcher…was it as exciting as I think it was?

    P.S. Happy Martin Luther King Day everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  9. HicksChick4Soul Says:

    Sorry everyone……the previous comment was left by me….

  10. Shrewspeaks Says:

    I wished I liked beans…I think leagumes would make it so much easier to diet.

    Nola – I made my dad route for the Saints this weekend!

    Rowan…I have moved onto The Happy Mondays now…and I was just hit with wadded up paper. I guess she wants me to play Celine…she is SOOOO not getting it!

  11. double d Says:

    Woohoo! Off from work today so play, play, play!!!

    Regarding MLK, I don’t have the words to wax poetic as some do on the subject. Just suffice to say that there was one person that was true to himself — to the point that it cost him his life.

    John 15:13:
    Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.

    ‘nuf said.

    On another note, can it really be a year?

  12. Mind Doc Says:

    hi folks!

    I am very happy that you like the skivvies, Shelley. Gray and I saw them in the Neighborhoodies window when we were going into the Kodak theater for the AI rehearsal. We snickered a little and rolled our eyes. When I was in LA, getting the Monkbot pictures, I saw those on the sample rack and I knew that they needed to go to Mississippi.

    And then I worried that you would think that I was weird (and not in a good way) for sending you underpants.

    Happy MLK day. My four-year old son is inspired by the whole holiday. They talked about it at preschool and he memorized a poem. He has been orating since friday, using big gestures to emphasize that he has a dream. I am glad that they talk about it in school. However, the point of peace and harmony among people is a bit lost on some of Sam’s classmates. A surprising number of them had the dream that people would all get along and then go to Chuck E. Cheese. His best friend’s wish was that all of the fish would get along in the tank.

    And then they could go to Chuck E. Cheese.

    Shelley — well done you on the weight loss. I love tilapia with brown rice and broccoli. Yum. And it practically makes you glow with virtue. And Hooooraaay for looser jeans.

    I used to have a problem with junk calling me and ending up in my car. I avoid garage sales at all costs. Unless I go with my sister, because she has the magic gift of finding things you actually need. I love this snippet from “Alexander, Who Used to be Rich Last Sunday”. I thought it captured the whole garage sale vibe perfectly. Now when I see something that I think that I need, I say, “half-melted candle” until I can skedaddle out of the range of the mesmerizing glow.

    Last Sunday, when I used to be rich, Cathy around the corner had a garage sale. I positively only went to look. I looked at a half-melted candle. I needed that candle. I looked at a bear with one eye. I needed that bear. I looked at a deck of cards that was perfect except for no seven of clubs and no two of diamonds. I didn’t need that seven or that two. Good-bye twenty cents.

    I absolutely was saving the rest of my money. I positively was saving the rest of my money. I absolutely positively was saving the rest of my money. Except I needed to get some money to save.

    Words of wisdom, Lloyd my man, words of wisdom.

  13. Holeigh Says:

    1) Happy belated birthday, NOLA! I was at home this weekend and my dial up really hates this comment box for some crazy reason. I hope you had a wonderful day. 🙂

    2) No kidding right now, my secret, only-sing-it-at-home-but-when-I-do-it’s-at-the-top-of-my-lungs song is “Total Eclipse of the Heart” too! Currently, I have listened to it 71 times since March of 2006…thank you, iTunes.

    3) Shelley, I love your narratives of days like this…reminds me of why my friends and I used to write blogs all the time, haha. Unfortunately, we have stopped, but you reign on!

    4) Golden Globes are tonight! Last year I could tell you all the categories (movie wise) and nominations in seconds, but this year I only know Leo DiCaprio has two chances at a win for Best Actor in a Drama. This depresses me, because I used to be so excited…hopefully next year will be more like last, with lots of high-attention drawing movies.

    5) I wanna see The Holiday SO bad! I’m glad you liked it Shelley, because I really think I will too, if my friend and I ever go and see it, haha.

  14. nolagirl Says:

    Shrew – Thanks for the Saints support! Now KEEP IT UP!! 😉

    Mind Doc – Love your story about Sam! Very funny … and cute. My nephew that was born today at 12:41 is named Sam! 🙂

  15. leejolem Says:

    Hooray for Shelley’s looser pants! Hooray for not buying someone’s old crutches (i’m not much of a garage sale person).

    Mind doc, “He has been orating since friday, using big gestures to emphasize that he has a dream”–ok that cracked me up! I can just picture it.

    Holeigh, you must go see The Holiday. Shelley is right–Jude Law is very handsome in it,and it is a well written heart warming chick flick. I lerved it!

  16. leejolemakafairweatherfan Says:

    Go COLTS!!!!!!!!

  17. Shrewspeaks Says:

    OMG!!!!! Golden Globes tonight!!!! WHAT FUN!!!

  18. leejolem Says:

    DD, loved the Bible verse and loved the clip of TH’s audition. I never get tired of him saying “gimme a chance, gimme a chance, gimme a chance”.

  19. jenfera Says:

    You know, I never really thought of butcher shops as being quaint. I guess I need to be hit over the head with a hammer. The one in my town is actually called Ye Olde Butcher Shoppe, which totally qualifies for that tax Dave Barry suggested on quaint spellings for businesses.

    But I digress. Shelley, that sounds like a high price for tilapia. Do you belong to any warehouse stores? I have found that Costco has excellent prices and good quality on their fish. Also, if you are looking for mild fish, you might prefer flounder or sole. Don’t feel embarrassed to ask to smell the fish before you buy it. If it smells fishy, don’t buy it. Good luck!

    P.S. – Go PATS!!!!
    (Had to throw that in because my husband is psyched. But I don’t actually personally care. Check back with me during baseball season.)

  20. shelley Says:

    Thanks for the advice, Jen. I’ll DEFINITELY remember that.

    I paid $15 for three fish fillets and two cuts of pork. I felt that was pretty good overall…but I’m always happy to pass less. 🙂

  21. TKls2myhrt Says:


    This is my favorite kind of post! Life is so interesting. I’m like you in that I’m often entertained and intrigued by the little things that others seem to not notice. I used to think I was weird until I realized that there were lots of others just like me.

    Can this be the Monkbot weight loss support group update post, since you mentioned that your jeans were a bit looser? I weighed in today for my weight loss program and I lost 6 pounds in 6 days. I’m so excited and encouraged, although some of it may have been water weight. Over the past week, I’ve realized how many hidden calories are in fast foods. I’ve been cooking much more at home as well.

  22. shelley Says:

    TKls2myheart…congrats on the weightloss! How wonderful. 🙂

  23. Rowan Says:

    Shelley – the beans of which I speak are Heinz baked beans – the only real bean to make it big over here. They’re navy beans canned in a lovely tomato sauce, and have been the staple diet of Brits for decades. Beans on toast! It is the biz. Heinz now do them in exotic flavours, such as Sweet chilli, Jalfrezi and Thai, for gourmet bean-heads desiring a more developed global-vision. 🙂

  24. shelley Says:

    Rowan…beans on toast…you are truly a strange and wonderful people.

  25. nolagirl Says:

    Congrats on the 6 lbs. TK! That’s great!

    I’m happy to report that I implemented my Drink A Lot of Water Campaign yesterday, and drank my 8 glasses like a champ! 🙂

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