Archive for March 6th, 2007

The Men of American Idol…So Lifelike, It’s Eerie

March 6, 2007

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It’s taken me weeks, but I’ve finally figured out what’s bothering me about the guys this year on American Idol…a severe lack of animation.

Now maybe I’m a little jaded by our dear Taylor Hicks…with all his ticks and grins and raised eyebrows and grimaces and grunts and hollers…but…I really don’t think so.

Personally, I just like it when people use the muscles in their face. Down with Botox, I say! And while we’re at it…down with zombies…and Novocaine…well, okay, maybe not Novocaine.

Back to the boys.

I honestly think this batch of guys are falling prey to many of the girls this year because of their lack of expression. The only males that seem to express more than “Hello, My Name is So & So and I’m a Trance-a-holic” are Jared Cotter and Brandon Rogers..which is unfortunate…since they are both poor singers.

So, to all my guys (Blake, Chris S., Chris R.), come on…I implore you…give me one little twinkle in your eye…or a confident smile…or just a wistful look…anything…just animate! Pump up the jam with more than a tight-lipped semi-grin or “awww yeee-ah” hand movement. Give me something to connect with…please!

Okay…on to my recap of last night…

We started the night with Blake Lewis, singing a 311 song. I could have done without his little “Bubba” character shtick in the intro, but the song was solid. Well done. He’s staying.

Next up is Cher…I mean Sanjaya. Seriously, dude, stop it with the hair already. The kid is starting to creep me out. It could be that he dared to sing some Mayer…but I thought he was WAY off. Not only off key…but out of his league. Unless Vote for the Worst saves him…he could be gone this week. (Oh…and the hula thing? Beyond silly.)

He Who Shall Not Be Named clomped up to the mic next, sporting a Blake-wannabe hair style. In his intro piece, he tells us that he’s really skinny but just wears a fat suit on television.

HA HA HA HA HA HA ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA ha ha ha ha ha

I haven’t heard a joke that funny since Dave Coulier.

Aww, Sundance cut…it…out. Really…stop…go home. Go comb your beard or something, dude. Just leave the competition…please.

He sang “Jeremy’s Spoken” by Pearl Jam and forever ruined the beautiful image I had cultivated years ago of Eddie Vetter serenading me. (Okay…I know “Jeremy’s Spoken” isn’t your typical love ballad…but in my little fantasy world, it works). Anyway, I hope Sundance goes home…but I have a feeling it ain’t gonna happen.

Little Chris Richardson is next. He sang some Keith Urban song and did okay, showing a unique styling to a country hit. However, after I watched the recap, I realized he was out of tune pretty bad. I still like the guy and think he is both contemporary and edgy. He just needs to pull his act together. I’m pretty sure he’s safe this week.

Jared Cotter followed Chris R. with “Hangin’ Around” by Stevie Wonder. It was pretty bad. The only time the guy shines is when he’s trying to be sexy…and then he tends to get creepy (i.e. sliding his hand down his face). If I had to pick my favorite part of this performance, it would have to be his argyle sweater. Man, I hope he goes home.

Brandon then shows us that he can play classical piano. He’s GOOD. And when he starts singing “I Just Want to Celebrate,” I think…I really truly wish with all my heart and soul that he would just…shut up and play more piano. It’s not that the guy has a bad voice, he just has a boring voice. There is nothing in his sound that makes me want to sing along. He’s a nice guy, but I can’t see him moving into the finals.

The audience is then informed that Phil Stacey CHOOSES to be bald.

Look, I’m a fatty. I know I have no room to discuss how people look…but I’m going to do it anyway. Phil, in all honesty, needs his hair. The guy just looks so odd without it.

And if the bald-on-purpose info wasn’t bad enough, he decided to totally freak me out by singing…a LeeAnn Rimes song.

Wha? Huh?

This dude is weird. His voice is weird. His look is weird. His hats are weird. And his song choices are weird. Even the judges think he’s a bit off. Why does the American public keep him around? I don’t get it…maybe I’m the weird one.

Okay…they saved the best for last…Chris Sligh. Our little Sligh Boy decided to sing a Christian song, “We All Want to be Loved.” He had a great start but the cheesey band bogged it down a bit…plus he lost the beat and got a little awkward in parts. However, he ended strong and, truthfully, was the best of the night. Whew, I think he’s safe this week.

Overall, though, the guys were pretty terrible last night. I definitely would like to see them culled down to only three…the Chrises and Blake. The rest need a ticket back to Obscureville.

So what did y’all think? I’m sure DD has ALOT to share.

Here’s what EW’s Michael Slezak has to say.

For Gray: (It’s working now…I promise.)

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