The Men of American Idol…So Lifelike, It’s Eerie



It’s taken me weeks, but I’ve finally figured out what’s bothering me about the guys this year on American Idol…a severe lack of animation.

Now maybe I’m a little jaded by our dear Taylor Hicks…with all his ticks and grins and raised eyebrows and grimaces and grunts and hollers…but…I really don’t think so.

Personally, I just like it when people use the muscles in their face. Down with Botox, I say! And while we’re at it…down with zombies…and Novocaine…well, okay, maybe not Novocaine.

Back to the boys.

I honestly think this batch of guys are falling prey to many of the girls this year because of their lack of expression. The only males that seem to express more than “Hello, My Name is So & So and I’m a Trance-a-holic” are Jared Cotter and Brandon Rogers..which is unfortunate…since they are both poor singers.

So, to all my guys (Blake, Chris S., Chris R.), come on…I implore you…give me one little twinkle in your eye…or a confident smile…or just a wistful look…anything…just animate! Pump up the jam with more than a tight-lipped semi-grin or “awww yeee-ah” hand movement. Give me something to connect with…please!

Okay…on to my recap of last night…

We started the night with Blake Lewis, singing a 311 song. I could have done without his little “Bubba” character shtick in the intro, but the song was solid. Well done. He’s staying.

Next up is Cher…I mean Sanjaya. Seriously, dude, stop it with the hair already. The kid is starting to creep me out. It could be that he dared to sing some Mayer…but I thought he was WAY off. Not only off key…but out of his league. Unless Vote for the Worst saves him…he could be gone this week. (Oh…and the hula thing? Beyond silly.)

He Who Shall Not Be Named clomped up to the mic next, sporting a Blake-wannabe hair style. In his intro piece, he tells us that he’s really skinny but just wears a fat suit on television.

HA HA HA HA HA HA ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA ha ha ha ha ha

I haven’t heard a joke that funny since Dave Coulier.

Aww, Sundance cut…it…out. Really…stop…go home. Go comb your beard or something, dude. Just leave the competition…please.

He sang “Jeremy’s Spoken” by Pearl Jam and forever ruined the beautiful image I had cultivated years ago of Eddie Vetter serenading me. (Okay…I know “Jeremy’s Spoken” isn’t your typical love ballad…but in my little fantasy world, it works). Anyway, I hope Sundance goes home…but I have a feeling it ain’t gonna happen.

Little Chris Richardson is next. He sang some Keith Urban song and did okay, showing a unique styling to a country hit. However, after I watched the recap, I realized he was out of tune pretty bad. I still like the guy and think he is both contemporary and edgy. He just needs to pull his act together. I’m pretty sure he’s safe this week.

Jared Cotter followed Chris R. with “Hangin’ Around” by Stevie Wonder. It was pretty bad. The only time the guy shines is when he’s trying to be sexy…and then he tends to get creepy (i.e. sliding his hand down his face). If I had to pick my favorite part of this performance, it would have to be his argyle sweater. Man, I hope he goes home.

Brandon then shows us that he can play classical piano. He’s GOOD. And when he starts singing “I Just Want to Celebrate,” I think…I really truly wish with all my heart and soul that he would just…shut up and play more piano. It’s not that the guy has a bad voice, he just has a boring voice. There is nothing in his sound that makes me want to sing along. He’s a nice guy, but I can’t see him moving into the finals.

The audience is then informed that Phil Stacey CHOOSES to be bald.

Look, I’m a fatty. I know I have no room to discuss how people look…but I’m going to do it anyway. Phil, in all honesty, needs his hair. The guy just looks so odd without it.

And if the bald-on-purpose info wasn’t bad enough, he decided to totally freak me out by singing…a LeeAnn Rimes song.

Wha? Huh?

This dude is weird. His voice is weird. His look is weird. His hats are weird. And his song choices are weird. Even the judges think he’s a bit off. Why does the American public keep him around? I don’t get it…maybe I’m the weird one.

Okay…they saved the best for last…Chris Sligh. Our little Sligh Boy decided to sing a Christian song, “We All Want to be Loved.” He had a great start but the cheesey band bogged it down a bit…plus he lost the beat and got a little awkward in parts. However, he ended strong and, truthfully, was the best of the night. Whew, I think he’s safe this week.

Overall, though, the guys were pretty terrible last night. I definitely would like to see them culled down to only three…the Chrises and Blake. The rest need a ticket back to Obscureville.

So what did y’all think? I’m sure DD has ALOT to share.

Here’s what EW’s Michael Slezak has to say.

For Gray: (It’s working now…I promise.)


39 Responses to “The Men of American Idol…So Lifelike, It’s Eerie”

  1. Di Says:

    I think it is almost excruciating to sit through the boys this year…after last year – compare this year’s crop to Chris, Elliot, Taylor, Ace, Bucky, and even Chicken Little – what they lacked in ability, they more than made up for in charisma. And you forgot to mention Phil’s ears under the rim of the hat – tuck ’em in, dude. Ugh, so disappointing.

  2. jenfera Says:

    The only performances that stand out in my mind today are Chris Sligh and Blake. Oh, well, I guess Phil stands out too, but only in a creepy way. Phil definitely has a divisive effect, doesn’t he? Slezak liked him, my husband liked him, Randy & Paula liked him. I thought he was awful. His tone is all over the place. It’s like he doesn’t actually know how to sing so he is singing in some sort of fake, made-up character’s voice, like a Muppet or something.

    Great graphic, by the way, Shelley!!

  3. Dr. Bob Says:

    Very nice write-up, Shelley. You hit the nails on the head. There were some actually painful moments last night. Phil is a little weird, but I can tolerate him for now. Chris S. did well, and I still like Blake, but ack! to like, five of the guys. Sanjaya and Sundance must go! I like Jarrod, but he must go, as well. And Brandon. And Chris R.

    (I feel like Miss Mary Ann on Romper Room … I see Brandon, and Sanjaya, and Sundance, Chris R. and Brandon … And they all have to go home now.)

    After last week, I am really looking forward to Lakisha and Melinda.

  4. double d Says:

    I don’t have time to read the EW write-up before I dash off to work, but, yes I thought that they were all putrid, save Blake and Chris…..LERVE the Cupie mash ups BTW.

    I like Blake’s originality and style and he’s an ok singer so I think he hangs around a while. Sunjaya…, no. Jeezus! John Mayer?!?!? Smiling that big tooth grin while “waitin’ on the world to change”. Mayer may forever nix his songs being “cleared” by AI. Ok, Sundance’s “duck doo” was a REAL lame attempt at cool-dom and the song REALLY was BAD. Chris and Brandon…meh. Jarrod — Stepford singer….why does he give me the “SNL Bill Murray Airport Lounge Singer” vibe? And Phil….what was that zombie looking, breathy beginning to the ConAir song? Ew. While Chris Sligh was the best of the night, it wasn’t saying much. I liked his song good enough but there’s something odd about his mouth…lispy? words not well enunciated? dunno….and he’s almost just as plodding as HWSNBN.

    They’ll be lucky if more than 1 guy makes the top 10….but then, we haven’t heard the girls yet this week. Season Six is turning into Season Sick, me thinks.

  5. Shelley Says:

    glad y’all like the graphic…got to say, i was pretty proud of that work. 🙂

  6. ivoryhut Says:

    Man, I really dig how your mind works, Shelley. Nice graphic!

    Felt like I could have missed last night and it wouldn’t have mattered anyway. So uninspiring, and such a letdown after last season’s batch of male aspirants. Almost wished AJ and Nick were still there, at least they could carry a tune. Chris Sligh was the best for me, and even then, I wasn’t blown away. Seems like his wit’s been in check ever since that first night. I miss funny Chris. Me likey his jokes.

    I could barely recognize the song Sunflower Head murdered until the middle of the butchery. This is the first week Dial Idol doesn’t have him in one of the top spots. In fact, he’s second to last this week, with Phil being at the bottom. Phil’s okay when he hits the big notes and goes into falsetto, but I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that we’re not seeing much of that from the other guys. But he has yet to start a song on a good note, and there is something about his voice I just don’t get. (And I don’t think squinting will change that.)

    Oh, and maybe it’s just me, but when Brandon Rogers smiles up there, he me think of Whoopi Goldberg. And sorry, but I just couldn’t get into Chris R. Too nasally and borderline whiny for me.

    But the greatest surprise has been how sober Paula has been lately. She’s actually making sense! And giving valid criticism. Ever since Simon made that snipe about scatting being just like Paula trying to judge.

    Can’t wait to hear Melinda again. I hope she wins this.

    Dr. Bob, how did you like that House episode with Dave Matthews? Sigh. As if they couldn’t get me even more hooked, they go and give a piano a supporting role. I absolutely loved that scene with them playing together.

  7. bamaborntxbred Says:

    I LOVE the graphic!! Good work honey….it needs to go in the Monkbot Art Gallery fer sure.

    Please- can we just have Blake and Chris Sligh move forward and nix the rest? I’d even be willing to move all ten girls forward to the Top 12 just so I never have to see Sanjaya or Hewhoshallnotbenamed ever again.

    BTW- I think HWSNBN committed a crime against all humanity when he butchered the hallowed song “Jeremy” by Pear Jam. That song…that band….was pivotal in the Grunge movement and “he” vomited it out in front of 30 million viewers as if it were incidental. I was outraged. He should have been kicked off right then for such blasphemy.

  8. texan Says:

    Can’t make myself watch the show. I turned it on for about 2 minutes, and then turned it back off. I am trying to nurture some interest, but it just is not happening for me! Hate to miss the water cooler talk, but what ‘cha gonna do?

    I notice that the teenagers in the house are not watching it at all. In years past they would huddle in close, call their pals and watch with great interest. It could be their ages…Mr. 18 is not going to watch and Miss 14 seems over it. Is this just my house? Are your kids watching?

  9. texan Says:

    ps. the graphic goes straight to the Hall o’ Fame!

  10. double d Says:

    Tex — I am DVRing — it’s on “automatic” record for AI — and watching it right before bed so I can FF through the commercials and other meaningless fodder. (Takes about 22 minutes.)

    My teenager (15) never was a big fan but he looked forward to last year (and he’s not a Taylor lover, per se). Last night, he happened to be eating his late supper after soccer practice while I was FFing through the carnage. My quite serious offspring is not given to much guffawing at this angst-ridden age, but he bellowed with laughter at Shamalamadingdong.

    “Look, Mom. He’s crooning one of your favorite John Mayer songs. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!……and, WHAT is that hula thing….Simon’s gonna have a field day.”

    We both agreed that AI is just not interesting anymore and he says that most of his friends at school no longer watch. I know you all put the kabash on my “Jump the Shark” talk, but you heard it here first. If teenagers are not tuning in, AI has lost their major market. Remember, peeps, I AM THE LIBRA DRAGON….So let it be written, so let it be done.

  11. leejolem Says:

    Chris S, Chris R and Blake were entertaining (for some reason Chris R. is growing on me). HWSNBN’s duck doo had me cracking up. And that boy gives white boys’ dancing a bad name everywhere. Frankenstein feet. Time for Sanjaya and Jared to go, methinks.

    The Kewpie doll graphics rawk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Chris S. is especially fetching.

  12. nolagirl Says:

    Yes, I do think that Chris S. has a lisp, at least when he sings. I found it very noticeable.

    I really, really want Sanjaya, Sundance and Jared to leave freakin ASAP. I kinda like Brandon still, but he’s isn’t bringing it, as they say.

    My mom has a crush on Chris R. He’s aight.

    I’m just meh, all around!

  13. shrewspeaks Says:

    Love the Kewpies!!!! I think you graphic speaks volumes about how the powers that be recruited talent for this season…They wanted same same…even the women are same same, just a better caliber since as DD called it…they want a gal to win.

    I find the whole guy thing hard to watch right now. I don’t know how they can heap on the same type of praise to Chris R and Blake that they do for Melinda and Lakisha. It just isn’t the same grade of talent.

    I am in agreement with The Blake / Chris S deemed themselves worthy to move forward theory (only to get slaughtered by the chicks with musical licks unless they pick up their game)

    Phil…has so underwhelmed me from day one…

    Jarred…stop with the “Ladies Man” impression. You don’t have the musical chops to make it endearing

    Sanjaya…please the little deer is in pain…make it end…it is the humane thing to do

    Chris R – I now some love this guy…I like Slezack can not figure that out. And the real painful thing is to watch him lap up the judges praise as if he is the heir apparent to Daughtry…HE.IS.NOT! He isn’t Timberlake (right Bama) he’ll stay but I don’t want to see him out last most of the superior female talent!

    Brandon – Jeesh…why doesn’t he have Gayles telling him to sing accapella this week…which would have been THE ONLY WAY he would have been safe. Sorry dude.

    And Raindance…please…a few screams on pitch do not a singer make. anyway you slice it…he just isn’t…good.

    Would any of these guys pass muster any other year? I don’t think so.

    Bad, powers that be…BAD.

  14. shrewspeaks Says:

    Umm why are we playing 10CC?

  15. texan Says:

    DD..I am so with you on that! I think the ratings are good still, wonder if it is the 12-14 crowd and there 40ish moms? ..and do Libra Dragons breathe fire?

  16. double d Says:

    Ratings are RELATIVELY good but they’re getting beat in some time slots that they NEVER lost before and they aren’t going to match the same numbers for the same weeks of last year — no way. The bad press is starting and it’ll only mount in the coming weeks when the ratings comparison shows “slippage”. They might spike ratings a little with some of the cutsie stunts they’re trying to pull — like Carrie Underwood coming back to sing and contests and sweepstakes, etc…..hence my “Jumping the Shark” theory. When a show can’t sustain ratings and resorts to “antics” to up viewership — that’s the beginning of the Great White leaping.

    As for the fire-breathing….it CAN happen.

  17. Shelley Says:

    shrewspeaks Says:

    March 7th, 2007 at 11:45 am
    Umm why are we playing 10CC?

    It’s in honor of Gray…he sent me instructions on putting a player on the site and uploading music/sound files.

    This was the only song I uploaded last night…now if I can just get Taylor to call in with an interview.


  18. bamaborntxbred Says:

    Season 1- Interesting b/c it was new…and thanks to them we have Kelly.
    Season 2- Most boring show ever in the history of the world. Please…we had a Ruben/Clay finale.
    Season 3- Sooo boring…except for Fantasia.
    Season 4- Finally! Interesting again thanks to Bo Bice, Carrie Underwood and even Constantine.
    Season 5- Best season to date. Thoroughly entertaining.
    Season 6- Very early in the game to say for sure…but shaping up to be a lot like S3…though the good talent now is better than the good talent then.

    My point you ask? This show has not consistently gotten better every year. It has flucuated from season to season. So to imply the show’s run is over because this season may (or may not) suck doesn’t make any sense to me.

    I don’t know why the judges were off their game this year in the Hollywood rounds. Maybe those were the 24 best contestants to send through. That’s one of the reasons this show is so compelling…b/c it is unpredictable.

    Last week AI took the top 3 slots in ratings.

  19. shrewspeaks Says:

    I love that…
    I only wish you had uploaded Muskrat Love…ahhhh one can dream.

  20. shrewspeaks Says:

    What do y’all feel about the producer manipulation factor…tinfoil or real?

  21. Shelley Says:

    did our little shrewbie say “y’all”?

    awww…the jersey girl is spreading her Southern wings as she prepares to head to NOLA.

    p.s. you never know WHEN C&T will show up in a media player! 😉

  22. shrewspeaks Says:

    Bwaaahaaa…the last time my parents were down for a visit I asked them “What y’all feel like having for dinner?” My mother squinted her eyes and peered at me through her glasses and calmly said “I don’t rightly know Miss Scarlet”

    Let’s just say…Y’ALL are making an impact on me.

  23. bamaborntxbred Says:

    Shrew- I think for sure the producers manipulate to a certain point…although I don’t think it’s to the extent that tin-foil hatters would have us believe.

  24. shrewspeaks Says:

    *remove lovely origami inspired swan shaped foil hat*

    Oh…I just thought maybe the manipulation back fired on them.

  25. double d Says:

    Well, Bama, it’s just my opinion, really but I think that AI reached it’s “tipping point” concerning interest and entertainment. While I’m only gauging from my very limited world of work, home and “net” friends, there does seem to be a pattern of disinterest. There is no-one compelling enough this year to cause folks to watch. This isn’t year 3 when it was still relatively new and AI could attract new viewers. This is year 6 of the same stuff regurgitated back at the audience and I think folks are bored with it.

    Now, there announcing contests and sweepstakes and “special never before aired on AI” enticements to try to keep viewers (as they already have what they’re going to get). The retention business is much more difficult than the attraction business when you have a product that is in the “mature” stage of the life cycle. Time will tell and I could be dead wrong….AI may once again reign supreme in May, but I’m just not feelin’ it, dawg. 🙂

  26. shrewspeaks Says:

    Not that I condone this…but am I the only one who finds a sober Paula is no fun?

  27. bamaborntxbred Says:

    DD- It’s just my opinion too. I’m not saying you’re wrong….but I’m not saying I’m wrong either. I just know in my very limited world that everyone is just as interested in AI as they ever were.

    My “net” friends might not be….b/c they are also my “Taylor” friends….and I heard countless times from those people that they never really watched b/f last season…so if they aren’t as interested this year…it doesn’t surprise me at all.

    It’s just a television show. I’m merely entertained by it….and, yes, the bad performances entertain me too. Last year was different for me, only b/c of Taylor….this year is like all the rest to me.

  28. bamaborntxbred Says:

    Shrew- I totally agree about Paula. Where’s the loopy drunk we all know and love?

  29. shrewspeaks Says:

    That is what I am talking about…it is a world gone whacky when Randy doesn’t know 311, Paula and Simon agree on things and Ryan looks lost.

  30. bamaborntxbred Says:

    I know, right? And…I was agreeing with everything Simon said last night too!!

  31. Shelley Says:

    Great summation about all of this at MSNBC.

  32. shrewspeaks Says:

    I think you Kewpie visual sums it up pretty well!

  33. bamaborntxbred Says:

    Good article Shelley! I agree with a lot. Like Ryan saying that it’s still early in the season and we don’t want someone to peak to soon.

    I also TOTALLY agree about what they were saying about the variety of styles missing this year. That’s why it’s more boring than last year.

  34. leejolem Says:

    I think the girls are more homogenous than the boys this season, but they are better vocally ( like a box of really good Godiva truffles compared to a Whitman’s sampler).

    Last year was my 1st year to be riveted, but I must say I haven’t missed an episode this year either. I’m not as emotionally invested as AI5, but like Bama am still engaged enough to watch and talk about it w/family, co-workers, etc….

  35. bamaborntxbred Says:

    That’s exactly how I feel about the boys and girls. I wish the boys were more talented and the girls more unique.

  36. shrewspeaks Says:

    And I wish I had a box of either Godiva or Whitman’s

  37. nolagirl Says:

    Word, Shrew, word.

  38. Squeebee Says:

    Well, I don’t have much to say, because I keep missing the boy’s night. The kewpie dolls rawk, tho! Seems like the CHrises and Blake are the ones to beat as far as the guys go.

    Oh….and I love chocolate.

  39. Dr. Bob Says:

    Ivory — I have yet to watch the House episode. I have it Tivoed — working rather long days the last few. And John Cusack is mine, mine, I tell ya’ …

    I am still cracking up at the kewpie grafix. *is sorely jellis of Shelley’s mad photoshopping skillz*

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