Apparently America Loves Cheese…or Haley Wouldn’t Have Stayed

by

Since America can’t seem to get enough Cheeze Whiz…allow me to serve it up in a big fat stinkin’ pile.

Gina, I thought your time came too soon, girl.

I simply don’t know what else to say.

Gag.

Entertainment Weekly’s farewell to Gina.

Entertainment Weekly’s interview with Dave Terza about Sanjaya.

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54 Responses to “Apparently America Loves Cheese…or Haley Wouldn’t Have Stayed”

  1. patrickkaddiddlehopper Says:

    Oh goody, I’m the first to comment. (pulls out monkbot soap box of shame to stand to shun the nonbelievers of Scar-hot-o) There was no way she was going home tonight. Did you see her point at me and wink last night? Don’t worry baby Coop-dawg’ll take care of you. Oh and Shell…there is no way that you won’t talk to me for a year. I’m sorry you all share this disapprovement of my lady,but hey…everyone’s entitled right? Heh.

  2. Shelley Says:

    Cooper…if she wins…so help me…I’m gonna kick ya ’til ya die ol’ man. Punk. 😉

  3. jenfera Says:

    Rick Astley – the boy with the voice that didn’t match his face! The cheese, the cheese… make it stop… my cholesterol is skyrocketing!

    I feel a little guilty that I voted way more for Blake than for Gina last night, but just a little. My boy was in the supposed “middle three” though, not the diva-tastic top 3, so he’s not all that safe.

  4. Quossum Says:

    Though I thought it would be Phil, I wasn’t totally surprised Gina left this week. She’s a good singer, but she didn’t solidify a fanbase properly. She seemed to be going for a “rocker chick” vibe, but she wasn’t consistent with that style, and then she lost rocker cred by visibly crumpling when criticized and flaunting a good-luck pickle and dweeby-lookin’ boyfriend. She was too arrogant for milder folk and not arrogant enough for surly folk. Even the Worsters didn’t like her.

    My greatest fear now is that Melinda fans will slack off voting because they’re sure she’s safe. Must…vote…Melinda…

    (Oh, and Sanjaya. ‘Cause now he seriously amuses me.)

    –Q

  5. Theresa Says:

    For those of you old enough, the Haley situation is Barbi Benton all over again. (translation for younger generations: Barbi Benton = Kat McPhee).

  6. Dr. Bob Says:

    Don’t diss the Astley. I remember dancing all night in a little club where the DJ had some morbid fascination with the song and put it on — I kid you not — a twenty minute loop. I thought my brains were seeping out of my ears. However, the hypnotic power of the song overwhelmed me — I still like it. I like the way the girls in the video keep doing the stop-pause-and-look-over-the-shoulder move. Very eighties. My son is just beginning to mock them. Sigh.

    Very good video selection, Shelley. However, when I listen to Rico Suave, all I hear is Weird Al (Yo quiero chimicangas …). If ever a song deserved a parody, that one did.

    Poor Gina — but I have to admit that I kept watching, partly to see if her tongue stud would make her blow a spit bubble on national TV. May she live long and prosper.

    But for pity’s sake, why is Sanjaya still on?

  7. Hatson Says:

    Wasn’t a big Gina fan, but it was a sweet thing to invite Jordin to sing part of the song during her good-bye moments. I thought and hoped Sanjaya would leave. It’s painful to watch him, I mean I just feel like my little brother thinks his new friends like him for himself, not his new convertible! Ouch as ET would say!!

  8. rowan Says:

    Thanks for the cheese, Shelley! First came across that term at GC, but it is very evocative and apt – better than kitschy or tacky. There are levels of cheesiness – I love cheese in the raw, but I do not like it toasted. Little puddles of grease rise to the surface. Am makin a somewhat forced parallel with musical cheese here. There is raw cheese which is sort of fundamental and worth celebrating, and the oven baked variety…closeted, enhanced, overblown. And then…ther is the dark side of cheese….raw cheese which ought to be valued for its naturally sound properties, but which has gone hard in the fridge through being carelessly wrapped, and has rigidified into a dark orange brick which needs de-scaling or simply throwing out.

    Rick Astley has been baked, but he is a quiche, rather than a pizza. His cheesiness is sort of subsumed, but still out there. I resent him for his irritating do, and cos he took precious airtime away from serious singer songwriters such as Simon Le Bon.:D

    Raw cheesy retro enjoyment, for me, comes from such as The Sweet – blatantly bad, and revellin in it. Toasted cheese now – and we do this really well in the UK, are scary peeps like Black Lace and Joe Dolce, who famously kept Ultravox from the number one spot in the UK with Vienna. ;D

    Then. the Dark Side of Cheese….epitomised by a song which had my deeply sedentary family sprinting for the off switch in unison. Cue the pipers who just happen to be passing…

    Off for a lite cheese triangle on toast, humming some of Simon’s most profound lyrics:

    Here I am, I’m a dotted line, cut the corners take me to your door, I’m the man who stepped off the path. The world spins so fast, that I might fly off.. (Sound of Thunder, baybay)

  9. rowan Says:

    Sorry – my Sweet and Agadoo links are not workin. Tryin again! Hey…maybe the are just gettin bumped by a Monkbot cheese filter set for cheese beyond Febreze!

  10. patrickkaddiddlehopper Says:

    Who is Rick Atsley?

  11. Shelley Says:

    Coop…he was singing songs about five years before you were born, sweetie pie.

    Rowan…the dissertation on cheese was absolutely riveting. Bravo!

  12. nolagirl Says:

    I’m here, I’m here! Sorry I’ve been so MIA, but I finally got to sit down and try to catch up on MonkBot!

    First of all, the writer standing in for Slezack today cracked me up with her J-Lo jokes. Spray them down with Glow? Bwuahahhhaaa

    I didn’t get to see the show last night, but man, how much did it suck that Gina had to sing THAT song after getting kicked off? Ouch.

    Shell – thanks for the link to the article with Dave from VFTW too. I love that they got into Taylor in the article.

  13. Claire Says:

    Ladies and Monkbots…I give you….. cheese.

    Rowan – remember this one??

    Oh, the humanity.

  14. jenfera Says:

    I think of Simon LeBon and his pals as more like a nice baked macaroni & cheese, made with a big block of Velveeta. You feel ridiculous buying the big yellow box, and even more so as you cube the orange, gelatinous mass up to actually put it in something you are going to eat. But you just know that nothing else melts so well. Vive la Velveeta!

    Shake up the picture the lizard mixture
    With your dance on the eventide
    You got me coming up with answers
    All of which I deny

  15. bamaborntxbred Says:

    I’m sitting slack-jawed in stunned silence after that cheesetastic b*witched video.

    Random housewives dancing in a field of daisies….weird. And what’s up with the “hot” guy in the video. He looks like a bagger at the local grocery store.

    I love Rick Astley. He was my secret contraband in highschool. My punk and skater friends could never, never know about my secret crush. I woulda been laughed out of existence. As far as they knew…I only had eyes for Robert Smith from The Cure.

    P-diddyhopper: I can’t agree on Scaley’s talents…but I can agree she’s a hottie.

  16. Shelley Says:

    Bama said, “He looks like a bagger at the local grocery store.”

    BWAHAHAHA

    you get to share today’s OPOTD with Claire, since she so graciously shared the B*witched monstrosity with us. (I had never seen or heard this before.)

    Official Prize of the Day

  17. jenfera Says:

    Bama, for the record, you are way purdier than any of those random housewives, and you were so very smart to hide your secret crush from your skater friends, and the bagger comment… hoo hoo!! Hilarity with a capital H, baby!

    😉

  18. bamaborntxbred Says:

    Thanks Shelley and Jen! (And thanks to Claire for giving me the opportunity).

    Rowan- I was thinking about you at lunch today. I had thai food and was thinking about how Asian food (for the most part) doesn’t utitlize cheese…and that it would be perfect for you since you don’t like cheese very much. And, lo and behold, I come here and read your giant post about cheese.

    Our minds are cosmically linked.

  19. shrewspeaks Says:

    Hey Claire, I think B*Witched did an ad here in america

    As far as AI goes…I want to be outraged…yet, I am not. But I do believe next year we will be hearing the phrase “yo, dawg this year we are bringing it all back to the singing”

  20. bamaborntxbred Says:

    Shrew!!!! I love that SNL skit! So freaking funny…and yeah, that’s exactly what I’m talking about with B*witched!

  21. Claire Says:

    Shrew – consider my ass laughed right OFF!!!!!

    Aw, they were only kids when that video was made!! Do they really look like denim-clad housewives?????

    Ah, Rick Astley. He was HUGE back in the day. He then tried to go all legit and cool in the early Nineties – grew his hair and everything. It didn’t work. Everybody still remembered him as the studio tea-boy who made a hit record or two. Bless.

  22. Claire Says:

    Shelley – OPOTD?

    *curtsies* Why thank you, kind lady…

    Wasn’t he a cutie when he was young, though?

  23. Shelley Says:

    OPOTD = Official Prize of the Day

  24. Claire Says:

    LOL Shelley, I got that. It wasn’t a question, more a “what? Li’l ol’ meeee?” statement. Reading back, I can see why you got the impression that I thought OPOTD=WTF?

    BTW, a rumour circulated back in the ’80’s that Rick Astley’s music was just Kylie Minogue played at half speed – or Kylie was Rick Astley played at double speed, I forget which……

    *hears the sounds of Monkbots flying to their gramophone players to dust of their Kylie & Rick 45’s to play them at half/double speed…*

    Question: Does anybody still OWN a functioning record player? Does vinyl still exist out there??

  25. Shelley Says:

    I have records…but no player. My mom has promised to buy me one, though! (Right, Suzi-Q? 😉 )

  26. bamaborntxbred Says:

    I have tons of records at my parent’s house…but no record player. I bet I could find one on ebay…

  27. Shelley Says:

    I don’t want to knock the conversation off course too much…but my brother in Hawaii called me before lunch to tell me my sister-in-law is in labor with our family’s first grandson!

    Yeah!!! I’m still waiting to hear from them…but I’ll keep y’all posted.

    I know Malia (my sister-in-law) and Beau (my brother) check out Monkbot from time to time…so I feel they are a part of this community and, therefore, y’all would want to know.

    Plus…I’m an extremely proud sister/sister-in-law/aunt and can’t help but brag. 😀

  28. Claire Says:

    Wow, I remember when vinyl was all there was. Then lo and behold, the Age of the Cassette dawned and music was never the same. I do believe the very first cassette I owned was INXS “Kick,” bought for me by my oldest brother, along with a Walkman. I was about 12. I thought I was the cat’s meow. And I do believe the very first vinyl album I bought for myself was a Shakin’ Stevens record. (Google him, I’m too embarassed ..)

    Record players are retro now. Imagine, in less than 20 years, something that was an integral part of music has become completely obsolete. A collectors item. Makes me feel old.

    I need a nap. Wake me when it’s dinner-time.

  29. Claire Says:

    Yay for soon-to-be-Auntie-Shelley!!! Are they going to call him Taylor? Tell Beau to call him Taylor!! Or Gray!!! Call him Gray!!!

    *is excited for Shelley. Being an Auntie is cool.*

  30. shrewspeaks Says:

    They still make ’em they are even considered “hot items”

  31. bamaborntxbred Says:

    Congratulations Aunt Shelley! How fun! I bet he’s the cutest widdle baby in the whole wide world!

  32. shrewspeaks Says:

    Congrats to you and your family Shelley!

  33. jenfera Says:

    Hooray for the fresh new baby Monkbot! I bet he’s as cute as otters holding hands. (I’m going to work that into regular rotation, replacing “cute as a button.” What’s so cute about a button?)

    The first vinyl 45 I remember buying with my own money was Physical by Olivia Newton John.

    I bought my first two cassettes on the same day – Sports by Huey Lewis & The News and Seven & The Ragged Tiger by Duran Duran. And I could still play both of them in my car if I could find them. My car has not caught up to current technology!

  34. rowan Says:

    Aww Shelley – yay to being an auntie! hope they call him Byron, cos he was Shelley’s bezzy mate.

    Bama – I do like cheese, but just not toasted!

    Claire – do have faint memories of B’witched. they do have a Cowell-esque vibe about them, don’t they? Oh wait – they’re wearing jeans. 😀

    The grocery bagger reference ties in with something I was thinking about today. Was pondering about teen one-hit wonders, the way you do when you see them on an old show and wonder what became of them in adulthood.

    Was chuffed to see Tiffany on Idol – she had clearly stood the test of time in some meaningful way. last time I saw her she was fourteen, singing in a shopping mall in Manchester – a promotional concert – to an audience of one elderly lady and the myopic Yorkshire terrier peeping out of her shopping bag.

    Always imagined Tiffany in her thirties on the checkout at Wallmart, hunched and hostile, glowering at anyone whose eyes happened to widen in recognition, reaching for her pricing gun as an added disincentive to an opening gambit.

    Debbie Gibson – no idea what happened to her, but had her taped later in life as a tweed-suited activist for the Natural Childbirth Trust, broad in the beam, but light on her feet, marching wholesomely and stalwartly outside maternity hospitals yelling, “say no to pethedine” and “No pain, no gain.”

    Rick Astley…sorry Bama, maybe it is the quiff-tastic hairdo that evokes the resonance here, but Rick undoubtedly grew up to be icky Swiss Toni, car salesman and self-proclaimed suave-mungous gift to the ladies. Here he is, as ever, giving unsolicited advice to his bemused trainee in an episode from The Fast Show.

  35. Hatson Says:

    Congrats Shelley, Let us know! I still have three turntables. You can’t duplicate all the original sounds of the artist and that scratch your little sister put on your record etc. Technology now has a device that allows you to record your old albums directlly to your computer. Brilliant

  36. Gray Charles Says:

    How do I get the Monkbot Prize?

    (You Tube link removed to Sad Kermit – Hurt)

  37. Shelley Says:

    Um…not with that.

    Try making me laugh…without Kermit on drugs and in um..cough…private moments.

  38. Claire Says:

    Aw, poor Kermie.

    Well, posting stuff like this might help, Gray…and it makes us think you’re going all warm n’ fuzzy n’ Dad-like on us.

    You’re not – are you?

    How’s retirement treating ya??

  39. double d Says:

    Damn, I LOVE that, Gray! So twisted, yet so good. I think it DOES deserve the OPOTD or a MBMOH, even.

    You could have another kid and that might get you one, as well.

    Shelley!! Kewl on the OHN-Tee thang. I get to see my grand boo-boo tomorrow and am very excited. Driving the four hours tonight to sleep in a double bed AT MY MOTHER’s, not so much.

    Oh, well. A round of golf, two crawfish boils and a big East-ah brisket to look forward too, so that ought to make up for it. On the road so won’t be ’round too much…..Hope everyone has a GRRRRREAT Easter weekend.

    I’ll be on SPRING BREAK next week at da BEACH (woo hoo!), so I’ll hoist a few at the FloraBama in y’all’s honor.

    Peace, everybody.

  40. rowan Says:

    Awww, Gray 😦 Poor Kermee! So that’s why he is green. This is kinda sick, but breeleeantly heeelarious:D

    Claire…you are wise to admit to buyin Shaky. Let the memory out…leddit go…:)

    My first singles were bought in Woolworths in Inverness in um 1978. Plastic Bertrand andKate Bush.

  41. Claire Says:

    Heh, I missed the “private moment” first time round, wasn’t watching close enough – I thought he was strumming the gee-tar – I suppose he was, in a way….

    Naughty naughty, Gray!

  42. Hatson Says:

    Gray, it depends on Shelley’s mood! LOL I once got one just for mentioning Anderson Cooper! You might try that, she really likes him! Of course the rules may prohibit someone of your stature actually winning(something about having stock in the company or an unfair advantage because you are always clever) Good Luck!

  43. Shelley Says:

    Y’all…I’m going to quit being coy and slapping with fish and come out and say this…

    I’m sure Gray didn’t realize the clip was as bad as it was (so this is not a slam on him)…but I want everyone to be responsible for all the links they put up.

    I won’t tolerate anything overtly sexual, violent, or referencing drug use.

    These are not things I want to advocate in any way here at Monkbot…and they are definitely things I don’t want to be responsible for putting before my 15-year-old brother for him to see by simply clicking on a link.

    I am fierce when it comes to my family…so be warned that I have no problem editing or deleting anything I feel is harmful.

  44. Gray Charles Says:

    Um, I posted something inappropriate and I apologize. I had no idea where that went. Sincerely, I’m sorry.

  45. Claire Says:

    Duly noted and appreciated, Shelley.

    But the otters are ok, right???? Please don’t smack down the otters….

    🙂

  46. Shelley Says:

    Thanks, Gray.

    All is well.

    I appreciate the apology…it takes a big person to do that.

    It takes such a big person that I hereby award you the

    Monkbot Medal of Honor

  47. rowan Says:

    Only watched about half of the clip – didn’t pick up on the um, private thing either. Yikes! Yep, Shelley, a very wise pointer. I’m going to watch all links I post to the very end now, just in case.

    Kate Bush was so pretty. At fifteen I wanted to be her and was jellis of her at the same time. Not fair..so talented, skinny and winsome, and she could do a cartwheel in a long lacy frock. Respect. She’s made a comeback…

  48. Gray Charles Says:

    Perfectly Happy Video

    This is the rock version of the acoustic one I posted a few months back.

  49. Shelley Says:

    very very nice.

  50. nolagirl Says:

    Congrats on the new nephew-on-the-way Shelley!! My new one is turning into a chunky monkey already (he’s almost 8 weeks). It’s so different compared to a niece, IMO. Oh, and did I mention he has a faux hawk? He has THAT much hair, the little man.

    CONGRATS to the Powers family!!!!! Yay!!

  51. Dr. Bob Says:

    Congrats on impending aunt-dom. My new adorable niece is giving big drooly baby “kisses” and ensuring her continued survival by capturing the hearts of her family.

    My daughter actually has a record player and a nice collection of LPs. My first album? I bought two for fifty cents (I think) at the Salvation Army Thrift store — the Righteous Brothers and Louis Armstrong.

  52. Staci Says:

    Shell, I may be committing a faux pax, but I’m going to put a very late post here that also references the next thread. Thanks for the Taylor clip of TITTS. He was awesome, and that was a song from relatively early in the competition. It really reinforces the conversation T and I were having Wednesday night, after the results show. I was commenting on how many of last season’s AI folks have or are making music for money now… I just don’t see labels jumping for this year’s losers the way they have for Eliot, Daughtry, Bucky, and (dare I say it) Kelly. Ick! Although, if they could bottle Gina’s “Smile” from Wednesday, I’d listen A LOT! I hate that she’s gone.

    Congrats on the new baby!

  53. Staci Says:

    AAAAAHHHHH I just now looked at all the “cheese” links… Rico Suave is cheese???? I thought he was SOOOO yummy when I was 19… what WAS I thinking?

  54. ruhappytoseeme Says:

    Congrats on becomming a new aunt!!!! (Im gonna be a first time grandmom, I feel old lol, baby girl if the sonogram is right 😉 )
    Im really getting aggrevated with ai this year, I like haley now, only because I thought her last 3 performances were not that bad, compared to earlier ones, and no matter who gets voted off at this point they are better then sanjaya imo, hes a cute kid who maybe some day (if he listens to the professionals a little) might become soemthing, but right now it seems he just does things to make him more the center of attention. And why does he never cry when people get sent home? I always thought it was nice that the top 12 usually cry over someone leaving, shows they became friends, but I dont see sanjaya every cry, once I saw him look shocked, but hes beyond that now, now he expects to stay for the long haul, hes not suprised and he truely thinks he turned simon over (guess he doesnt get sarcasm real well) Im not trying to put the kid down cause I think hes a cute kid with potential but I dont think he should still be there. And I truely dont get the phil craze (and I know a lot of people that just love the guy) I mean sometimes he sings ok, but hes missing soemthing, not sure what but soemthing that just gets me to really like him. I did like the rocker but I knew she wouldnt get much farther, look at all the seasons past and the true rocker girls never make it to the top 3,.

    as for the videos, never got that rick guy, never liked him. but I do love that song dont know what you got till its gone, I always liked the big hair rock guys LOL (not in a fangirly way just like the ballads for some reason)
    lol@ the rock on video, as for debbie gibson, don car efor that song but there were a few I liked way back in the day LOL and im still loling over “Rico Suave”

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