Buckley’s Apology to Dylan Strikes a Chord for Me

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In perusing my morning sites, I came across this article at Entertainment Weekly. The article is a letter of apology from Jeff Buckley…read by Buckley…to his hero, Bob Dylan. The apology was for some misbehavior on stage where Buckley had said something in jest that ended up reaching Dylan’s ears and offending.

It’s a beautiful and sincere letter.

But what really caught hold of me on listening to this letter was the last line in which Buckley reads…”this is my personal plea of love to Bob Dylan, and this is what happens when you’re not nobody anymore.”

Hearing this apology really struck a chord with me this morning, as I’ve been dealing with two instances of hurtful words in my life this last week…in one instance the hurtful words were written to me…in the other instance the hurtful words were, unintentionally, issued from me.

Both accounts hurt my heart.

Human beings are often a cruel lot…saying or writing things on a whim that are meant for humor or are written with a perceived air of anonymity…never stopping to think how much of a brutal wound those words can cause. As soon as we reach beyond ourselves in any fashion…we’re “not nobody anymore” and, therefore, must hold ourselves accountable for our actions.

Sincere apologies are so very vital to our own fragile state..as are the acceptance of those apologies…in order for both hearts to let go and to rebuild.

To my friend I hurt this week…I love you, and I’m sorry.

To the person who hurt me…I forgive you.

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31 Responses to “Buckley’s Apology to Dylan Strikes a Chord for Me”

  1. jenfera Says:

    Shelley, I am sorry to hear you are going through such rough times. Your words are beautifully written. I hope the issues are resolved soon.

    When my husband was going through his divorce from his first wife, he found comfort in this song. Some of it is more specifically about a romantic relationship that has ended, but the core is the same as what you are speaking of:

    I’ve been trying to get down
    To the heart of the matter
    but everything changes
    And my friends seem to scatter
    But I think it’s about forgiveness
    Forgiveness

  2. texan Says:

    Shelley,
    This is a great post. I admire your open and kind heart. I am anxious to read what the others will have to say. Here are words that have been there for me in the hardest of times. I keep them prominently posted in my house.

    ps. My first post went to moderation because on Monday mornings I can not spell my name! Hope this is not a re-run and please kill one of them.

    People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.

    If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.

    If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.

    If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.

    What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.

    If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.

    The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.

    Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.

    In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway. – Mother Teresa-

  3. Dr. Bob Says:

    Awww, Shelley,
    It is a cringeifying feeling, knowing that you hurt someone, intentionally or not. I am glad that you are letting go the unkind words that were directed at you. Being out here on the internets makes you a target. You are right, you’re not nobody no more. People will take notice of what you say, for good or bad. Mostly good, I would hope.

    I am grateful for the fact that people who know me are willing to overlook my thoughtlessness or lack of kindness and forgive me. I remember reading somewhere that things only continue to hurt if you persist in remembering them — and holding them against the other person, I would guess. May the words spoken and received be let go of quickly and the damage small.

    (are the northeast monkbots buried in snow? how about the southeast? Y’all okay?)

  4. jenfera Says:

    Dr Bob, this northeast monkbot is happy that the snow went even further north. What we have now is quite a bit of street flooding instead. April showers bring May flowers though, right? I am looking forward to May!

  5. ivoryhut Says:

    Shelley, you are Braveheart. Not one of us is perfect, but it would be so much nicer if the world had more people who are as open and genuinely seeking peace as you are. What a good example of true forgiveness that was. Many mistake forgiveness as merely excusing the wrong, not realizing that it involves giving up all resulting resentment, and eventually responding to the offending person with compassion and even love.

    Dr Bob, this other northeast monkbot was up all night listening to the wind howl, watching my 25+ ft high bamboo planted outside bend and sway wildly (it was a new moon, but the lightning illuminated the night sky), and listening to the thunder. This went on from the time I attempted to go to bed (around midnight) to about 6am.

    Then, at 6:15am, I rose to the sound of birds chirping outside.

    Jenfera, so glad this wasn’t snow. With more than 7 inches of rain, that would have easily been 4 to 5 feet of snow!

  6. Dingo Says:

    >>Sincere apologies are so very vital to our own fragile state..as are the acceptance of those apologies…in order for both hearts to let go and to rebuild.>>

    We human beings can cause a lot of heartache cant we? You are so right. If you cant bring yourself to admit you were wrong then you’re a lesser person for it. If you cant bring yourself to accept another person’s sincere apology, then you’re a lesser person for it. Its forgiveness that makes it better. Both in your world and in mine. Im just as guilty as the next person but I try, I really try not to hurt people. Im just doing a little musing myself and damn glad I found this place. Thats 2 sites in one day to find new music. In the last year I rediscovered an old friend. Van Morrison and his incredible music. I lost him along the way but I found him again and I intend to keep him close by to the end this time.

    My monthly plea for “crying music”. You know, music that brings a tear to your eye cause in my world, nothing is as cathartic as a good cry to a painful song. I’ll be watching. So far patty griffin’s “It Dont Come Easy”, Beth Hart’s “Lifetime” Van and Tom Jones “Sometimes We Cry”, Van’s “Into The Mystic”, The Black Crowe’s “She Talks To Angels” and Roy Orbison’s “Crying” lead the pack.

    Bring ’em on.

    I figure its raining buckets here so I might as well “rain” myself.

  7. shrewspeaks Says:

    Wow Shelley…I hope all is mended by this beautiful and honest post.

    Catholic guilt screams in my head…”good goats, I hope it wasn’t me that hurt you.”

    On a side topic…It amazes me that 10 years later Buckley as a man still inspires people. A real shame he is lost.

  8. Dingo Says:

    Don Henley’s “Heart Of The Matter” is such a beautiful song and damn, its my first cry song of the day!!! yeahhhhhh! Thanks for that.

    I forgot about Henley and how much I loved his music. You see? This is what I live for. Musicians I once knew and loved and for one reason or another I lost them.

    I also loved his “End of The Innocence”. Boy, those were some powerful lyrics for me at least.

  9. Hatson Says:

    Shelley, try to remember what you sang for us on Easter morning. There has only been one perfect person. We are all capable of hurting someone intentionally or otherwise. There are some mean people in this world. My first thought was WHAT someone was mean and hurtful to OUR SHELLEY? Let me at them! Of course your response was better. Just think that you are so unique that people who have never even met you, love you. That is something to remember during this storm.

  10. leejolem Says:

    Shelley, thanks for the thoughtful post. It reminds me to think long and hard before I speak or post. Sometimes I’m in such a hurry to get a laugh that I forget that the words might hurt someone.

    Dingo, are you “thedingoateyobaby” from mj’s? Welcome to monkbot!

  11. Shelley Says:

    Wow…y’all are really awesome.

    Thank you for uplifting me. 🙂

    I promise…I’m fine. This was just on my heart this morning and I felt like sharing.

    (And, no, Shrew…it’s not you. 😉 )

    I really love where the conversation is going about songs of forgiveness and repentance.

    Keep it up!

  12. leejolem Says:

    Keith Green has a beautiful song about forgiveness and repentance and acceptance. I think it’s called “The Prodigal Son”. When the father runs to meet his prodigal son (in the song and bible story) it just gives me chills.

  13. Dingo Says:

    Yes, I am the same Dingo…minus the footwear. Thank you for noticing.

    Now all I need is a row boat and a pair of oars.

  14. Little Deb Says:

    Hi all. This made me think of an old song written by Rodney Crowell that I love called “Til I Can Gain Control Again”. It was beautifully done by Emmylou Harris and Willie Nelson also did a nice version. I could only find a crappy u-tube from Honeysuckle Rose.

    Nice to see you, Dingo. You might like this one.

    Here are the lyrics.

    Just like the sun over the mountain top http
    You know i’ll always come again
    You know i love to spend my morning time
    Like sunlight dancing on your skin
    I’ve never gone so wrong as to telling lies to you
    What you’ve seen is what I’ve been
    There is nothing I could hide from you
    You see me better than I can
    Out on the road that lies before me now
    There are some turns where I will spin
    I only hope that you can hold me now
    Till i can gain control again

    Like a lighthouse you must stand alone
    Landmark the sailor’s journeys end
    No matter what sea I’ve have been sailing on
    I’ll always roll this way again
    Out on the road that lies before me now
    There are some turns where I will spin
    I only hope that you can hold me now
    Till i can gain control again

  15. Dingo Says:

    Nice to see you too Debbi. Hope all is going well for you and yes, I love that song. Some beautiful lyrics there. That last verse kills me.

  16. Little Deb Says:

    I’m feeling nostalgic today. Here’s a “feel better song” by a one-hit wonder “The Five Stairsteps” Ooh child

  17. Little Deb Says:

    Shelley. Sorry for three in a row, but I found the perfect song that I was trying to think of when I first came here this morning.

    James Taylor – Shower the People

    Have a great day everyone.

  18. rowan Says:

    Shelley, thank you for sharing your thoughts in this poignant post. Have enjoyed reading all the wise words written here today.

    I love the song, Forgiven Much by Sean Michel. It is raw and visceral and very moving, and at the same time, truly humbling. It really spoke to me. I had just read the verses of Scripture the song describes, and the sense of release from feeling forgiven is so beautifully expressed.

    Lee – would love to hear that song.

    Hello Dingo! Remember you from back in the day (waves)

  19. texan Says:

    Little Deb…

    High on the Rodney Crowell!

  20. double d Says:

    Rodney Crowell = Rosanne Cash’s ex-husband; Johnny’s ex-Son-in-Law.

  21. Dingo Says:

    Hi Rowan! Forgiven Much. What a beauty and it was a perfect example of how even though it has religious overtones, it could pertain to just about anything or anyone you wanted it to. Very ambiguous.

    Im thinking about the tragedy today at Va. Tech and saying a silent “prayer” for those who lost someone today or those who are wounded. There will be many more walking wounded when this is said and done. The heart, once wounded, takes an awful long time to recover.

  22. ivoryhut Says:

    One of my favorite songs about forgiveness is one written by a brilliant Brazilian artist – Ivan Lins.

    It’s about two people in a relationship who have drifted apart and hurt each other, but it is also about the possibility of forgiveness even after all the hurt. I’ve always loved the emotion of the song. Wish I had the original to post, but here is Kenny Rankin doing his version of Even You and I.

    Lately, there’s been a lot of conversation
    Each with a different beginning,
    all with the same unhappy ending.
    Seems like lately, we’ve had so many missed connections
    Roads turning off in all directions,
    never to reach their destination.

    And I wonder, how did I ever come to hurt you?
    You know I never could desert you
    I wouldn’t last a half an hour
    God only knows what I was thinking
    When people drift from one another,
    pity themselves and blame the other,
    they can resort to getting even –
    even you and I.

    Still I wonder, how did I ever come to hurt you?
    You know I never could desert you
    I wouldn’t last a half an hour
    God only knows what I was thinking.
    It’s like there’s been a wall between us
    But there’s a chance of getting over
    People can always be forgiven,
    even you and I.

    Even you and I.

  23. texan Says:

    Little Deb I did mean to type HIGH FIVE to you. Not simply High!

    Gee I have this blunder in the forgiveness thread! Sorry Lil Deb! Those who have endured my posts or long periods of time have learned to read my mind and insert (or delete) words. ( I see you smiling and nodding Shrew and Squee!)

    Love the Rodney post.

  24. ridearoundsally Says:

    Shelly
    I just wanted to say your post could have been written by myself. At this moment I feel the very same way. I stopped posting and chatting because of hurtful things that were said to me and that I said to other in GC chat. Im not proud of myself either but I’m still very hurt by the ones that didnt stop to think how much their words or actions hurt me. Some of these instances were also written to me in email or told to me in chat. This air of anonimity you talk of has alot to answer for. Im finding it hard right now to forgive but as you say, its for my own piece of mind and well being that I forgive and move on. I just wanted to let you know you are not alone and that I feel for you. It so easy to retaliate with the same ammo but it dosnt make it right. And if I have offended anyone by my actions I also apologise. As my old Irish Granpa used to say…”true friends stab you in the front!”

  25. leejolem Says:

    Ridearoundsally, “true friends stab you in the front”–I’ve never heard that, but it definitely made me think. Your comment about the “air of anonymity” also got my gray matter going. I’ve thought a lot about that over the last few months as I’ve become a regular poster on this site and lurker/poster at gc. Being faceless and somewhat nameless is a powerfully addictive thing at times, and I think makes people (including me) much more reckless with their words. The whole internet world is heady stuff. I hope you can get past the hurt about what was said/typed. As the old saying goes “time heals all wounds”. Hope you keep on visiting here.

  26. Dingo Says:

    Its been my personal experience that chat ruins a blog. Its a different atmosphere in chat and its very easy to become reckless with your words and feel powerful because its chat and it moves very fast. You have to have a very thick skin to be in a chat room. Things get heated quickly and for some reason it always gets ugly. It happens on these blogs and it happens on the politics blogs and I just stay away from chat. Its my way of dealing with what I perceive to be meaningless, hurtful barbs and jabs at other posters for reasons I cant explain.

  27. Little Deb Says:

    texan, I knew you meant high five. High five back at ya.

    Dingo, I so agree with you about chat. Glad I found this place and there is not chat here.

    You both might like this one.

  28. Dingo Says:

    Aw Debbi, anything by Van just soothes my worried mind and smoothes the jagged edges of my fractured spirit. That was beautiful. That man always does it for me. That was great. Thanks.

  29. Squeebee Says:

    Shelley, great post. I agree, the internet is rife with opportunities for disagreements and mis-understandings. It is easy to become emboldened by the anonymity of it all. I have been guilty recently of saying more than I would have in real life. I am trying to reign that in, and become more like the real-life person I am.

    Forgiveness is truly the path to freedom. I have experienced this in my own (real!) life, and it is amazing what a weight it is off the shoulders to forgive, even if forgiveness has not been asked.

    Dingo….nice to see you here! You look mahvelous! 😉

  30. ruhappytoseeme Says:

    Wow Deb I love thasong (ooooh child) I cry every time I hear it, reminds me of me as a teen , no home and trying to find jobs so I could eat, that song would come on and I would cry my eyes out. (well I got a job, had kids and life did get brighter 😉 )

    Shelly im sorry someone hurt you and im glad you can forgive them, it helps make life easier when we can forgive people (altho sometimes it isnt possible for some things ) I know one thing, on the internet something can be typed to mean a completely different thing then it was intended to mean so sometimes people get hurt an that was never the intention of the person tht posted it in the first place. Then there are times things are type to intentionally hurt people and thats not good. Hugs , I hope I never hurt anyone , I most certainly wouldnt do it intentionally, and I hope I can appologize as well as you did if I do.

  31. Dr. Bob Says:

    Lee, Keith Green is also a fave — I do love the Prodigal Son. Rowan, I will sendspace it to you…

    A very timely topic, Shelley. There is enough true sadness and tragedy in the world that taking the time to let go of hurts and seek forgiveness for those given is really appropriate.

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