I can’t even begin to write the first recap of last night’s show without mentioning how absolutely creepily cutesy it was for Jennifer Lopez to sit on her stool and “coach” the eight Idols…who sat scattered at her feet. It was like some bizarre lost scene from Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs…except it was J. Lo and the Eight Dwarfs.
Seriously, she looked like she’d break out into “Whistle While you Work” at anytime. Or like she was on the set of Romper Room and was about to pull out the Magic Mirror. “I see Sanjaya. I see Blake. But where is Chris Sligh?”
I love J. Lo and thought she did a great job as guest coach. Bravo.
What I didn’t like was Latin Night…I mean…Gloria Estefan/Carlos Santana Night. I can stand neither Gloria Estefan nor Carlos Santana…so last night basically killed me.
But I perserved…to bring y’all my recap. Here goes.
Melinda Doolittle tried her darnedest to channel sexy when she sang “Sway,” but it didn’t quite work for her. I wanted to like it…but it lacked sex appeal. Her dress was great, as was her curled hair…but both made her look way too old. She was pitch perfect but didn’t dig in like she should have. But she’s staying. Plus how absolutely priceless was her double take when Ryan called her “Sexy.” Adorable.
LaKisha Jones was up next…looking fab…but WAY too booby. I mean…yikes at that cleavage. I hope she doesn’t lose her keys down there. Singing “Conga” (or “Kungah,” according to Lopez), Kiki moved well…working in the steps Jenny from the Block taught her, but the song was ZZZZZzzzz. I must applaud her for stepping out of her comfort zone, but I really didn’t like it…still, she’s safe.
Chris Richardson sang “Smooth” by Carlos Santana and Rob Thomas. J Lo advised Chris to take the key up a whole step but, honestly, when he started singing, I couldn’t imagine him having sung it any lower. He was basically singing notes from under the stage. It was way too low for him and could have easily gone up two more keys. Once he got past the opening, he gained some strength…but the performance set a precedence for the night of the band playing over all the vocals (except for two very important ones that I’ll mention last). Chris should be safe…but stranger things have happened.
Okay…Jennifer calling Blake Lewis in to beatbox on Haley Scarnato‘s practice run of “Turn the Beat Around” was hilarious. Lopez’s advice to Haley was to “throw the song like a rap to win this week.” But Haley decided to take J. Lo’s advice and throw it…right out the window. Instead, she used her tried and true strategy…show a lot of leg…and for good measure…amp it up with some obnoxiously red lipstick (because the Tammy Faye mascara and eyeliner is getting too play-it-safe, I guess). I honestly don’t think Haley could have sounded more white on that song…a whitey white girl trying to convince me that that the “rhythm carries all the action.” And the “rat tat tat tat tat tat on the drum” was so white I thought that, at any moment, she’d peel back that mask of make-up and reveal that she is really Wayne Newton Mannilow…the love child of the two whitest singers in America. However, despite her whiteness…I think the shorts might have saved her.
Phil Stacey sang “Maria Maria” by Santana…and though his vocals weren’t hideous…the dollop of mayonnaise he was wearing on his head was. Someone must tell him to quit with the hats already. And if he insists on wearing them…they need to tell him that wearing them tilted and askew makes him looks like he’s a card-carrying permanent-pass rider of the short bus. Phil…and his hats…could be in danger this week.
Every week something happens after Jordin Sparks performs…I totally forget about her. She’s as cute as a button…but her singing doesn’t stand out to me at all. She doesn’t sing bad…she just isn’t memorable. She sang “The Rhythm is Going to Get You” and the only things I recall from the performance are her hideous top and pants. She always manages to look uncomfortable in her clothes…but she’s safe.
Yeah…the best for last…
Blake Lewis sang “I Need to Know” by Marc Anthony…a song I actually like. He did great. Really great…except for one thing. At the piano with J Lo he smiled and sang…but on stage, once again, he didn’t smile. I want his face to express more when he sings. Other than that…I have no criticisms for this performance. This was his strongest vocal. I really think this guy is smart in his song choice. The deeper we get down the rabbit hole each week, the more I think the finale should be him and Melinda. Oh…and I want Blake to sit down with Phil and explain how to wear a hat…’cause the boy really knows. He’s safe.
Now…I hope all of you are sitting down…Sanjaya Malakar was the second best of the night. He sang “Besame Mucho”…which I didn’t know but found to be extemely beautiful. I loved it. He was calm and in control. He worked the camera and the vocals. He sang strong but soft. It was wonderful. The choice of strings and light orchestration was brilliant. However, the hair, ‘stache, and goatee were a bit sleazy and greasy looking. But I can overlook them with the gorgeous performance he gave. He’s safe for another week…and rightly so. I gotta give the boy total props.
One final note of the night…was it just me or did anyone else think Paula was channeling Jon Bon Jovi’s hair last night?
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“Dancing with the Stars”…I have only four words…Leeza Gibbons went home! 😀
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