What Happened in the 80s Should Stay in the 80s

So I’m walking through Kroger…minding my own business…buying my little foods and such…when my ears are accosted by strains from the past…

I didn’t like this song in the 80s…and it hasn’t gotten any better in the last 20-something years.

I know, I know…the whole point of this totally 80s shopping experience is strictly to target shoppers in their 30s and 40s because we, supposedly, are where the demographic dollars are when it comes to buying for the home, yard, and fridge.

Well, if any real thought were put into targeting my generation with music…the brain trust that put “Safety Dance” on the airwaves while I shopped for toilet paper would get the boot…but good.

The “Kids of America” who grew up in the 80s really loved their music…I mean…really, loved it. It defined us.

You can’t make us buy more detergent by throwing Men Without Hats at us…anymore than you could make us fill our carts with extra frozen dinners with that putrid version of “Venus” by Bananarama.

If you’re going to market us…don’t be wimpy about it. I say either go hard core and all the way…or go back to musak versions of “Lollipop” and “Hot Stuff” like you did for previous generations.

I’d like to see Kroger get gutsy and throw a little Depeche Mode our way. Or how about when shopping for a new lawnmower…Home Depot piping in some REM? And how much would it rawk if, while making a run in Target…you get to pick out a handbag AND hear “Planet Earth”…or, better yet…”Spirits in the Material World”?

But “Safety Dance”? Come on, don’t act like an imbecile.

—

For those watching “Heroes”…did last night’s episode kick butt or what!? I was about to pee my pants over Peter and Sylar throwing flames in the hallway. That show is amazing.